Day 55- Internal Strength

I remember when I was younger overhearing the mother of a friend talk about how enrolling her son in wrestling was one of the best decisions she made for him because it taught him about inner strength and I had an extensive reaction. This happened in my parents’ home during a party they threw for friends and family every year and I was sure that she was conveying this story specifically because I was within earshot and would thus hear what she was saying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe C was comparing her son to me and implying that her son had inner strength while I lack inner strength

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then experience internal words about how I was smarter than her son

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what C thinks about me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as lacking internal strength

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for my belief that I lack internal strength

When and as I see myself go into the belief that I lack internal strength, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this belief is actually making me less strong internally.

I commit myself to make practical steps to strengthen myself internally, both on a physical and a beingness level, for me, and not so that I can go and prove to C or anyone else that: see, I am, in fact, internally strong, because developing and nurturing and strengthening my internal strength is best for me

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