Day 70- Stopping Smoking (Part 1)

During this pandemic, I made the switch from smoking cigarettes occasionally to smoking them habitually, and it was a conscious decision to make that transition. Having done a lot of work on myself using the DIP Process prior to the start of the pandemic, I found myself rather bored during the mandatory lockdowns I experienced. I realized that this event was an opportunity for Heaven to assist Earth with preparing for a new future and that I was not positioned to make much of an impact on this process. Thus, I was faced with days on end of loneliness and boredom while things were shifted behind the scenes for the world to come. I had reached a point where any more work on myself would bring me needlessly into conflict with those around me/supporting me, and given the circumstances, it was not a great time for building out my social network. Thus, I made the decision to take up smoking as a way to pass the time. I justified this decision with the belief that I would be strong enough within myself when the time came to give up smoking and continue on with my process of creating myself as Life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take up smoking because I believed I was going to be bored during the reshuffling of the universe during the pandemic.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe life is boring if I don’t smoke cigarettes. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I don't have the proper support network to be able to quit smoking.

When and as I see myself go into regret because I believed I would be bored and so took up smoking, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that that decision is in the past- there is nothing I can do about it at this time. 

When and as I see myself believe that life is boring if I don't smoke cigarettes, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there are many interesting things to do in life besides smoking cigarettes. I see, realize, and understand that my life can be interesting without smoking cigarettes.

When and as I see myself believing I don't have the proper support network to be able to quit smoking, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I can build a support network for making healthy decisions, but that it takes work, that I must apply myself to create such a network, that it will not build itself overnight.

Day 64- In a Relationship with a Narcissist? Don't Be Like I Was

You know how they say you should go no contact if you realize you have a narcissist in your life? Well, I am a shining example of a reason why. Instead of reaching out to friends or other family members when I was in need, I went crawling back to the narcissist. It was a ‘comfortable’ relationship, which basically meant it was one of those relationships that society ‘tells’ you is sacrosanct. For me, that meant I didn’t have to deal with my issues as long as I could keep going back to this relationship. What I didn’t realize was that merely participating in this relationship WAS one of my issues. 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a relationship with a narcissist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that participating in a relationship with a narcissist implies I lack self-respect

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lack self-respect

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that lacking self-respect implies I have never created self-respect within and as who I am as a living word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self-respect

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe someone else should give me self-respect

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that believing someone else should give me self-respect implies that I am not the director of myself

When and as I see myself wanting to participate in a relationship with this narcissist, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there will be no closure when participating in a relationship with a narcissist and therefore there is no way this relationship can be best for all or best for me in any way.

When and as I see myself not direct myself, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that lacking self-direction implies I am waiting for someone or something to direct me, such as a substance to which I am addicted or an authority figure or fear or needing money and so I deny myself the gift of creating myself whenever I give my authority over to someone or something outside of me to direct me, but that there can be no closure within that relationship because I am not a narcissist and therefore I must take responsibility for who I am in every moment.

I commit myself to take responsibility for who I am in every moment

Suggest to check out DIP Lite- a FREE online course w/buddy
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Destonians.com- Destonian Social Network
7 Year Journey to Life- The 7 Year journey to life
Equal Money System- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come
Living Income Guaranteed- The first step in that economic system
EQAFE- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone

Day 57- Part 4- Self-Forgiveness on Separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as separate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as more than


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as less than

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I must take full responsibility for who I am in every moment of breath, here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand in equality with my world and my environment in every moment of breath, but to instead go into the mind in separation where I can define myself as special, different, more than, or less than another, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that the very person I am defining myself in relation to is: a part of me in oneness and equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the equality part of the oneness and equality reality, where I accept the oneness of existence and reality without considering the equality that must be cherished within each being existent in our shared reality, where it is the absolute manifestation of spite and hatred to consider myself as more valuable than another being, simply because I have defined myself as such within my mind, being, and body, not considering that: we have all been gifted life equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as less than within a self-definition of mental illness, where I secretly, within myself wanted to be more than others, but when I couldn't get my way, I descended into the depths of the darkness available within me, programming myself in despair, self-pity, self-loathing, self-hatred, and self-abuse, manifesting myself as the very realization of less-than so I could hold another in spite

Investigative links:
Desteni.org
DIP Lite- FREE online course w/Buddy
EQAFE- YOUR existential library w/Every Question Answered

Day 53- Lack of a Support Network

I was doing some reading on male depression, and it mentioned how it was important for men to have a support network to deal with their depression. Some people to bounce your thoughts off of, to talk about what you are going through, and to perhaps gain additional perspectives or insights one had not previously considered. Taking a look at my life, I realize and understand that I don't have a support network, like, at all. Why would this be so?

What it comes down to is: I have not created a support network in my life. Despite having 'Met' countless people, my intention or direction within meeting these people has always been obfuscated by self-interest (read: limitation) in one form or another.

If it was the people I 'Met' because I wanted a job offer from them, I was only considering my survival. Perhaps I used manipulation to charm them into thinking I was a good candidate for the job. Since I was not Directive within Self-Honesty in my approach to our interaction = the relationship didn't end up being supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach potential employers/managers from the perspective of manipulating them to create an image within their minds of me as employable, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding the importance of Expressing myself Here, in the moment, in Each and Every interaction in Self-Trust and Self-Honesty, regardless of my desire, driven by fear, of acquiring money from a job, wherein I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the outcome of a manipulated relationship is going to be tainted in such a way as to create Consequences which will prevent such a relationship from being Supportive of Me.

Day 50- Self-Forgiveness for Anger for Smoking a Cigarette

Today I had a pretty good day. I called the hotel to complain about the employee who, as it turns out, did mistreat me. It didn’t change much, but I feel better about the situation now, lol. Also, I booked a massage and was treated by a highly skilled practioner who was able to assist me in feeling a LOT better. It was funny, because I was pretty sure he was gay, but then he started talking about his girlfriend, which might have been a cover, but just goes to show you can never judge a book by it’s cover.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry with myself for smoking a cigarette, instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that it was a matter of really needing my fix, lol, because I simply was unable to purchase the vape pen at the store

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe I am going back into depression because I smoked a cigarette

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going into depression

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to not realize that fearing going into depression implies that I have forgotten the simple fact that I have lived with depression for years and years and years and so I have in fact already lived depression = definitely something to look out for, but not something to fear

When and as I see myself go into the emotional reaction of anger towards smoking a cigarette, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that at this point I have created a chemical dependency towards nicotine, and if something happens where I cannot get a replacement for my nicotine, one cigarette isn’t going to kill me.

I commit myself to purchase a vape pen

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Day 30- Do You Always Cancel Plans? This Might Explain Why

New post can be seen on steemit: Do You Always Cancel Plans? This Might Explain Why