Day 5- My life has seemed to come to exist in really only two modes.

The first is long periods of confusion. During these times, I am unsure as to what I should be doing and even small decisions are difficult; I find myself second guessing or changing my mind about nearly every decision I make. Unfortunately, I am so used to such periods that by this point, I realize that they are only the dark of night before the second type of mode in my life.

The second type of mode my life consists of are intermittent bursts that I call moments-as-opportunities. I can be existing in the darkness of the first type and then, all of a sudden, wham! I am hit with a moment-as-opportunity to make a change in my life. I have seized these moments more than once and both times what was required was that I continued to take specific action to follow up on the initial movement.

I resisted such actions more than once and the result seems to be that the opportunity was lost.

When I have resisted even the initial movement, what has happened is that I seem to get plunged back into the darkness (the first type of life-mode).

Day 4- Paranoia in relation to Communication

I have had the experience of paranoia in relation to speaking to someone in my reality. This is related to me needing to do something I don’t want to do if I speak to this person, hidden as an unexpected experience that would come up after the conversation was initiated. Thus, I have avoided speaking to this person within the hope that I can avoid such a scary, unknown situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown ‘hidden’ in new situations.

When and as I see myself fear the unknown within new situations, I stop and I breathe. I see and realize that every  new situation contains within it unknowns and these are opportunities for growth and change. I commit myself to engage in new situations despite the possibility for unknown and uncomfortable situations that I have defined within my mind as ‘bad’.

Supportive links:
https://eqafe.com/p/doubt-self-investigation-atlanteans-part-382
https://eqafe.com/p/living-in-imagination-reptilians-part-204
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-395-paranoia-home-of-human-reason.html
https://eqafe.com/p/the-quantum-mechanics-of-paranormal-events-part-5
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-400-paranoia-of-intent.html