Day 48- Angry at Myself

Last night, I was having such a good day and then a single moment seemed to derail the entire thing. I was driving along in my truck and was trying to figure out where I was going to stay for the night now that I am here in Arizona. Instead of pulling over, I allowed the sneaking thought in: what if I just search hotels quickly and started searching for hotels on my phone while driving. Of course, I veered out of the lane and while nobody was hurt, it could have been a dangerous situation. I then spent the rest of the night angry at myself for allowing a single moment of carelessness to ruin a whole day and potentially my whole life moving forward from that point.



 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself for looking up hotels on my phone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret looking up hotels on my phone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic possession after becoming angry with myself for looking up hotels on my phone while driving, where I was agitated and regretted my decision and couldn’t think or act clearly all night

I forgive myself that I then accepted and allowed myself to not handle the situation at the hotel well, because I was so agitated and disoriented and confused from being angry and disappointed and regretful from my decision earlier to use my phone whilst driving, that I was not stable and able to effectively direct the situation within the hotel to my satisfaction, so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into further frustration and regret and energetic possession after my encounter with the deskperson at the hotel, where I sped up while driving away instead of going back and having a discussion with the person, simply allowing myself to go into a giving up reaction towards the situation within allowing the thought “I’m too tired to deal with this”. I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe “I’m not good enough” to get myself established at the nice hotel. 



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Day 25- Confidence: Is it Real?

It’s interesting, because self-confidence has for a long time been one of those traits that I attributed to myself. But as the quantum physical process wears on and I am tested on my decisiveness, I realize that the confidence I defined myself with/as was actually an aspect of a personality system. As such, whatever degree of confidence I have possessed hasn’t actually translated into tangible action to create heaven on earth.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am confident.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that believing I was confident implied that I am not confident.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be confident because of fearing what others may do to me if I express myself confidently and because of fearing what I may have to go through if I stand by my confidence while acting to create a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what others may do/think/say towards/about me if I act confidently and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach the emotional experience of defeat to the memory of confidently stating what I wanted to do with my life in my childhood and being laughed at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the emotional energy of anger to the memory of being laughed at for confidently stating what I wanted to do with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of blame towards those who explained to me that it was unrealistic for me to have that dream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remember that it was explained to me that it was my lack of discipline and dedication that made it unrealistic to achieve that goal and to use that explanation to become more disciplined and dedicated.

When and as I see myself believe I am confident, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this confidence is an energy: it is not real.

I commit myself to explore and live the word confidence for real.



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