Day 52- Physical Trumps Energy

I realized that I was sort of aligning myself with the entire existence and always forcing myself to be at the cutting edge of whatever was happening. Within this, was a sort of competition, where what I really wanted was to feel important, like I was needed, and in so doing exposing a point of lack; I felt like I needed to compensate for other areas in my life which need work: getting a stable job, getting a Life Partner, building effective relationships. I thought and believed that if I could make myself stand out through going interdimensional, that would compensate for the areas in my physical life where I lacked. Of course, this goes back to childhood trauma and not recognizing my value as a physical being, so there are a whole lot of issues there to open up. But my solution to my problems was not sustainable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting a job and sticking to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fearing getting and sticking to a job implies that I have defined getting and sticking to a job as negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define getting and sticking to a job as negative

When and as I see myself go into a negative emotional reaction towards getting and sticking to a job, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that getting and sticking to a job is essential to support my life on Earth. 

I commit myself to get and stick to a job

Day 47- The New Normal, Just Like the Old Normal

What with the COVID-19 crisis and the "new normal" we are experiencing on a worldwide scale, I, myself, am experiencing a shift in my personal process that I thought would benefit from a share. So, I am opening a new thread to start writing, here, as I am. Thanks for reading.

Currently, I am in a difficult situation, although that is relative considering the horrors some in this world currently face. However, I am in my own personally difficult situation, and that is what is relevant to me, it's what I have to work with, and it's what I can actually DO something about, so it's not to belittle my own situation despite the fact that I am not immediately faced with dying for lack of water or something like that.

Before this COVID-19 crisis, I had already faced a number of changes in my life. I was suspended from my position at work, I moved out of the place I was renting, and I acquired and then promptly disacquired a partner (lol). This, all in probably the space of a month. It's like a part of me anticipated the coming global transformational change and started creating this crisis or that to train myself for what was to come.

However, I was prepared for chaos, uncertainty, instability, whatever you want to call the current state of this world today since a long time ago. Growing up, someone close to me was prone to EXTREME bouts of anger. There was no telling what would set them off, so basically I developed a coping mechanism of manipulation, realizing it was more important to get this person to think/believe something was true whether or not that was actually the case.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use manipulation to convince someone something is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not developed the skill of practical application

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is more important for someone to think/believe/feel a certain way than it is to directly communicate with the being to come up with a practical solution

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that constantly manipulating others to create the illusion within their minds that things are a certain, specific way compounds consequence when things aren't actually done effectively in reality

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