Day 70- Stopping Smoking (Part 1)

During this pandemic, I made the switch from smoking cigarettes occasionally to smoking them habitually, and it was a conscious decision to make that transition. Having done a lot of work on myself using the DIP Process prior to the start of the pandemic, I found myself rather bored during the mandatory lockdowns I experienced. I realized that this event was an opportunity for Heaven to assist Earth with preparing for a new future and that I was not positioned to make much of an impact on this process. Thus, I was faced with days on end of loneliness and boredom while things were shifted behind the scenes for the world to come. I had reached a point where any more work on myself would bring me needlessly into conflict with those around me/supporting me, and given the circumstances, it was not a great time for building out my social network. Thus, I made the decision to take up smoking as a way to pass the time. I justified this decision with the belief that I would be strong enough within myself when the time came to give up smoking and continue on with my process of creating myself as Life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take up smoking because I believed I was going to be bored during the reshuffling of the universe during the pandemic.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe life is boring if I don’t smoke cigarettes. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I don't have the proper support network to be able to quit smoking.

When and as I see myself go into regret because I believed I would be bored and so took up smoking, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that that decision is in the past- there is nothing I can do about it at this time. 

When and as I see myself believe that life is boring if I don't smoke cigarettes, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there are many interesting things to do in life besides smoking cigarettes. I see, realize, and understand that my life can be interesting without smoking cigarettes.

When and as I see myself believing I don't have the proper support network to be able to quit smoking, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I can build a support network for making healthy decisions, but that it takes work, that I must apply myself to create such a network, that it will not build itself overnight.

Day 50- Self-Forgiveness for Anger for Smoking a Cigarette

Today I had a pretty good day. I called the hotel to complain about the employee who, as it turns out, did mistreat me. It didn’t change much, but I feel better about the situation now, lol. Also, I booked a massage and was treated by a highly skilled practioner who was able to assist me in feeling a LOT better. It was funny, because I was pretty sure he was gay, but then he started talking about his girlfriend, which might have been a cover, but just goes to show you can never judge a book by it’s cover.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry with myself for smoking a cigarette, instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that it was a matter of really needing my fix, lol, because I simply was unable to purchase the vape pen at the store

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe I am going back into depression because I smoked a cigarette

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going into depression

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to not realize that fearing going into depression implies that I have forgotten the simple fact that I have lived with depression for years and years and years and so I have in fact already lived depression = definitely something to look out for, but not something to fear

When and as I see myself go into the emotional reaction of anger towards smoking a cigarette, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that at this point I have created a chemical dependency towards nicotine, and if something happens where I cannot get a replacement for my nicotine, one cigarette isn’t going to kill me.

I commit myself to purchase a vape pen

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Day 48- Angry at Myself

Last night, I was having such a good day and then a single moment seemed to derail the entire thing. I was driving along in my truck and was trying to figure out where I was going to stay for the night now that I am here in Arizona. Instead of pulling over, I allowed the sneaking thought in: what if I just search hotels quickly and started searching for hotels on my phone while driving. Of course, I veered out of the lane and while nobody was hurt, it could have been a dangerous situation. I then spent the rest of the night angry at myself for allowing a single moment of carelessness to ruin a whole day and potentially my whole life moving forward from that point.



 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself for looking up hotels on my phone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret looking up hotels on my phone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic possession after becoming angry with myself for looking up hotels on my phone while driving, where I was agitated and regretted my decision and couldn’t think or act clearly all night

I forgive myself that I then accepted and allowed myself to not handle the situation at the hotel well, because I was so agitated and disoriented and confused from being angry and disappointed and regretful from my decision earlier to use my phone whilst driving, that I was not stable and able to effectively direct the situation within the hotel to my satisfaction, so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into further frustration and regret and energetic possession after my encounter with the deskperson at the hotel, where I sped up while driving away instead of going back and having a discussion with the person, simply allowing myself to go into a giving up reaction towards the situation within allowing the thought “I’m too tired to deal with this”. I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe “I’m not good enough” to get myself established at the nice hotel. 



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