Day 68- Why is Nobody Helping Me?

A thought came up the other day that ‘I am not getting the feedback I need/deserve from other Destonians’. I have been participating on the forum for 9 years. When I first started, it was a lot more active than it is these days, where it is mostly just a few of us posting our Journey to Life blogs. I’ve thought ‘this is supposed to be a platform of support, why is nobody giving me feedback on my writings?” 

Within this is a stance of passivity, where I expect another to do something for me. Yes, there is a general expectation that the platform is there for people to interact and give feedback/support to others, but nobody is being paid to participate there and in no way is there an obligation for this feedback to occur. Thus, my entitlement to receiving feedback is misplaced. 

And, when I really look at it, I haven’t given much feedback to others on the forum. 



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not getting the feedback I deserve on the Desteni forum.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe I deserve feedback on the Desteni forum when and how I want it- instead of considering that forum members are real people with their own lives who may have any number of reasons for not wanting/being able to provide feedback to me



I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that believing I am entitled to feedback on the Desteni forum implies that I desire to receive feedback without explicitly asking for feedback, engendering an attitude of passivity where I expect to receive something for nothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ask for feedback on the Desteni forum, instead of wondering and hoping and wishing to receive feedback on my posts, hiding behind the expectation that, because I read somewhere once that it is ‘supposed’ to be a platform of support, I should receive this support automatically without specifically asking for it if I have not received the support I want/need



When and as I see myself think ‘I am not getting the support I require on the Desteni forum’, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am not entitled to receive anything in this life. If someone wants to give feedback, cool.



When and as I see myself believe I am entitled to receive feedback on the Desteni forum, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am capABLE of asking for feedback if I need it.

When and as I see myself go into fear in relation to asking for feedback on a certain topic/issue I am struggling with, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that communication is important in getting the specific help I need, otherwise, how can anyone know what I require?



I commit myself to ask for feedback if I need it



Suggest to check out DIP Lite- a FREE online course w/buddy
Desteni
Destonians.com- Destonian Social Network
7 Year Journey to Life- The 7 Year journey to life
Equal Money System- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come
Living Income Guaranteed- The first step in that economic system
EQAFE- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone

Day 16- Suppressing Communication

Something that I have been dealing with lately has been the need to gain employment. Here, I’ve built up a large resistance to a lot of potential jobs and I can see that this resistance is related to memories I have in relation to jobs past. Whereas my approach to work in the past (influenced by 'advice' from an authority figure) has been to simply put out my resume to as many places as possible and then take whatever opportunities present themselves, this has not worked out very well for me in terms of having many negative experiences whilst employed and not a lot of positive or expanding experiences to speak of. Fastforward to the present and I've now created a 'block' or resistance within my mind to just taking whatever job I can because of those negative emotions I've created through my participation in past jobs where I did just that.

Unfortunately I live in a world where I am unlikely to gain access to unconditional life support in the form of money/food/a place to stay, etc. that I require as a human being on this earth provided from an external source without the expectation that I perform some sort of labor in return. Even when I returned to living with my parents after a period of homelessness, while they didn't charge me money for rent or the food they provided, they still expected me to do things like the dishes after meals they cooked and household chores. While I was staying with them, I experienced these expectations as a burden because I was attempting to gain stability and believed that I was in a place where any such external expectations where an intrusion upon my internal process and disallowed me the ability to maximize my potential in this world. Additionally, I experienced resistance to bringing this up to my parents.

Perhaps a part of me feared being cast out (despite their expressed intention to keep a place for me in their home forever) if I brought up my personal needs and a part of me actually did want to contribute if only I could have gained some sort of stability that allowed me to feel ok in doing so. Unfortunately, I didn't speak up at the time on my own behalf and continued to do what was asked/expected of me even though I experienced a lot of friction whilst carrying out these tasks, including the idea that I was doing them wrong and possibly endangering myself and my parents. Interesting that suppression can be carried out so far by a person that they are even willing to allow themselves to feel or believe that they are compromising themselves or others and continue on just to avoid the possible confrontation that would go with expressing the thing suppressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress communication of my needs to my parents when they expected me to do the dishes every night they cooked dinner for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that suppressing communication of my needs implied that I was not prioritizing my own self-stability regardless of the situation.

I forgive myself for not prioritizing my own self-stability.

Day 4- Paranoia in relation to Communication

I have had the experience of paranoia in relation to speaking to someone in my reality. This is related to me needing to do something I don’t want to do if I speak to this person, hidden as an unexpected experience that would come up after the conversation was initiated. Thus, I have avoided speaking to this person within the hope that I can avoid such a scary, unknown situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown ‘hidden’ in new situations.

When and as I see myself fear the unknown within new situations, I stop and I breathe. I see and realize that every  new situation contains within it unknowns and these are opportunities for growth and change. I commit myself to engage in new situations despite the possibility for unknown and uncomfortable situations that I have defined within my mind as ‘bad’.

Supportive links:
https://eqafe.com/p/doubt-self-investigation-atlanteans-part-382
https://eqafe.com/p/living-in-imagination-reptilians-part-204
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-395-paranoia-home-of-human-reason.html
https://eqafe.com/p/the-quantum-mechanics-of-paranormal-events-part-5
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-400-paranoia-of-intent.html

Day 3- Communication Breakdown

There is a point in my reality that I can see I could assist another being in moving away from a bad situation for them. Unfortunately, this being uses drugs and is prone to violent outbursts (emotional and physical) and has attacked me multiple times in the past. However, when I consider talking to this person about this point that he might be better off not participating within, I freeze up. I realize that this is partly because such moments have only opened up when the timing has been right where it would actually be effective and not counterproductive to speak to him about this point. Thus, I have been focusing on getting myself into a more stable position so that I can be sure that I am coming from a place that will not make the situation worse for either myself or this being.

However, I have been experiencing guilt towards moving myself into this stable position, blaming myself for not speaking up in these moments where I experienced an opening to speak to this person. I see now that these moments are showing me what is possible, and that it is to direct myself into a position of stability such that I can effectively assist another and not get hung up on emotional reactions to what I have perceived as missed opportunities to assist this being. In fact, these emotional reactions just show that, after such moments pass, even if they are opportunities and I am unable to take advantage of them within the moment, I have not established the foundation of stability within me that could lead to me being an effective agent of change within such moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt for not moving myself to speak to person A in such moments as I have experienced myself as able, instead seeing, realizing and understanding that such moments are assisting and supporting me to establish stability within and as myself to then be in a position to be effective in my support for another.

I am walking a 7 Year Journey to Life, blogging regularly about my experience of myself and the Mind so as to deconstruct that which is holding me back from living here fully.

For further support:
Creation's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Economist's Journey to Life
Desteni
DIP 'Lite'
EQAFE.com