Day 9- When Process Threatens to Expand Outside of Yourself

What I have been resisting in my reality is communicating in a timely fashion. This is where I have no control over the situation/circumstances within which I find myself and yet the point arises where if I were to be self-honest, I would know what to do. What generally happens is that I resist doing the self-honest right thing to do, sometimes experienced by me in the form of needing to speak up/out to someone my reality. Instead, I will resist and resist this point until it passes. Despite the negative feedback I’ve received through such behavior, it seems as if my preprogramming has predisposed me to resist communicating in ways that will bring about substantial change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist acting on points that involve directing another in my reality, because of fearing retaliation and fearing what would come after acting on such a point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the belief within me that I shouldn’t be responsible for acting on points that could direct another in ways that wouldn’t have otherwise considered, due to and because of a belief within me that everyone is on their own in this world and thus helping others should come with some sort of financial or social benefit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear retaliation when directing another in my reality.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself not realize that fearing retaliation when directing another in my reality in ways that is best for all implies that I haven’t actually taken on this point for real, but instead of projected my fears and desires on such a point without ever actually having walked it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use fearing retaliation for directing another as myself in this reality to justify resisting acting on points that involve directing another in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what comes after directing another as myself in my reality.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that fearing what comes after directing myself as another in my reality implies I am utilizing future projections as an excuse to not take even the first step in walking as what’s best for all, essentially sabotaging my entire process before I even let it begin.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear what comes after directing another as myself in my reality —instead of utilizing breath to make sure I am grounded and prepared to take on such a point so that what comes next isn’t negatively consequential but is simply continuing to move into the next point, taking it on, and continuing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see and realize that fearing retaliation and fearing the future indicate that I am only in this process for myself.