Gathering information stage
Self-allocation:My current experience towards sex is that of suppression and avoidance. So, from a polarity perspective, sex has a negative charge. It is something I avoid. The last sexual experience I had was something I’ve defined as negative. So was the one before that.
Dictionary definition:1. sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse
2. a person’s genitals 3. Either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and many other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions 4. the fact of belonging to one of the sexes 5. the group of all members of either sex 6. determine the sex of 7.present something in a more interesting or lively way 8. arouse or attempt to arouse someone sexually
Sounding of the word:s (quiet) ex (past lover)
sects (groups of people) s (she) ecs (environment) shecks (money) sh (quiet) ects (and so on) sex (racy)
Investigation stageI have associated a negative polarity with the word Sex as I have come to see sex as a burden or obligation in my world. I have thus deliberately suppressed and avoided sex due to wanting to avoid the negative consequences possible by having sex. One thing where I can see my definition is different- and actually departs in a negatively consequential way- from the dictionary definition is where sex is used to define the two sexes based on their reproductive functions. Thus implies that sex is natural for either of the two sexes as it is simply utilizing our reproductive organs in a pleasurable way. So, in defining sex according to a negative charge and therefore suppressing it, I have been denying myself the natural expression of sex that is inherent in being a human male.
One more aspect of suppression here has to do with fears related to pregnancy, fatherhood, etc. In engaging in sexual activity with another, that carries a risk of pregnancy or contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Thus, I feel the need to suppress, for example, spontaneous unprotected sex due to these thoughts and negative emotions associated with for example pregnancy and disease.
Another aspect of suppression I have participated within in relates to presenting something in a more interesting or lively way where I’ve come to recognize the social tendency to use sex to sell consumer goods. Thus, I have suppressed participating in sex as something that can be enticing/racy/arousing because i have gotten too far into the mentality of rejecting anything I see as remotely morally questionable, such as sex in advertising. Within this, however, I’ve failed to realize that all of these expressions, be it raciness or arousal or enticement, are also mine to express in that they are not owned by the corporations that have temporarily utilized them to make money. In doing so, I have denied myself certain expressions just because there can be a connection made between them if they are expressed by me and the way advertisements are structured.
The consequences I have wrought through suppressing sex have been that I have denied my body the expression of sex. While I may have been successful in avoiding negative things like negative emotions, diseases, and pregnancy, I have also not been able to work through where I am in relation to these things. Within the sound I see s (quiet) ex (past lover). This is quite interesting considering my tendency to suppress sex as I see this as wanting to quiet the negative emotions I have attached to sex through memories with past lovers.
So i can see that sex is just a natural function of our physical bodies but I have tried to suppress it to avoid negative emotions I’ve attached to it either through personal experience or in rejecting the presentations of companies trying to make money by sexing things up. I've also suppressed sex within the guise of avoiding fatherhood and disease, although this usually comes up as backchat after I've already suppressed sex.
Creative stages- quiet
ex- past lover
Sex - An experience where I quiet past lovers.
An experience where I try to suppress memories of past sex acts.
The negative emotions of past sexual acts.
Creating negative consequences for myself through a natural expression of my body
Feeling like I have to use sex to create a certain experience for myself in which I must avoid negative experiences.
My sexual definition.
An experience where pleasing she in her environment is a burden
An experience that cannot be had unless I have money because a woman doesn’t want to have sex with someone without money
Something women want to engage in from an energetic form while I want to engage in it from a physical expression standpoint and thus a point of conflict in my world.