Day 73- Coming to Terms

My life is such a complete fuck-up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck myself up.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist conflict because of fearing conflict and because I want to be liked.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear conflict.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself not realize that fearing conflict implies I am not stable.



I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use fearing conflict to justify resisting conflict, instead of remaining stable within who I am.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that wanting to be liked implies that I am obsessed with an image of myself as someone who is liked.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked- instead of creating myself as living words as what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see and realize that fearing conflict and wanting to be liked indicate that I am not real as who I am in every moment of breath.

Day 72- Stopping the People-Pleaser Character

The other day as I was preparing to go over to an acquaintance's house, something arose within me that told me unequivocally to "STOP! Don't go!" I could see this self-honest urge arise within me and yet, I allowed myself to go into backchat regarding going over to the person's house and suppressed the urge to offer an excuse as to why I couldn't go, even though I really needed the quiet night to rest.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not listen to my inner voice when going over to X’s, that told me to not go, because I wanted to please X by showing up, and not create conflict by telling them I wasn’t going to show up.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that, within that moment, I lost myself because I wanted to “be something for someone else”, instead of listening to my self-honest inner voice which told me not to go.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into immediate backchat when I self-honestly realized I should not go over to X&Y’s, that “I had already said I was going and in fact had driven all the way over to their house” and “this self-honest moment is infringing upon my stated plans”, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I had left my own sphere/lane/self and went into “what was expected of me”, and that THAT thought was the infringement, because being self-honest is always best for all/me, and compromising that for a singular thought is compromising ALL of me and ALL of self, to appease a single thought with some energetic charge that’s sole purpose is to seduce me. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that there was a positive energetic charge in “doing what was expected”/“not making conflict”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the positive energetic charge of pleasing another/others, without seeing, realizing, and understanding the nature of polarity inasmuch as this positive energetic charge was underpinned by the negative energetic charge of “disappointing others”. 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disappointing others as a learned behavior from my childhood where disobeying the authority figures in my life implied consequences being imposed upon me, so that I learned to disobey my self-honesty and compromise self for the sake of pleasing another. 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disobey my self-honesty for the purpose of pleasing another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what will happen to me if I do not compromise myself to please another.

In the case of going over to X&Y’s, I actually needed the rest and to not engage in socializing, but I compromise that and thus my own health simply to avoid conflict/please another.

Self-corrective statements

When and as I see myself think “I should do this thing because it will please another”, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that it is necessary to primarily look within and cross-reference with my own self-honesty if it is something that I don’t really want to do or if it isn’t what’s best for all.

When and as I see myself compromise my self-honesty to please another/avoid conflict, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that self-honesty is telling me what is best for self and that the backchat is attempting to lure me back into the energy of my subconscious as a personality construct, where I am playing the role of the people pleaser without considering my own needs/wants of, for example, needing rest for my physical body and self in my relationship with my mind and body. 



When and as I see myself fear creating conflict by standing up as/for self, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this fear is simply a negative energetic charge of/as my People Pleaser personality that tricks me into gravitating towards the positive energetic charge of pleasing others without considering what is best for all life, always.



When and as I see myself drawn to the positive energetic charge of pleasing others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the positive energetic charge I get from apparently pleasing others is a momentary experience, and that when it passes, I am left with the rotten feeling of having compromised myself, not only in what I needed/wanted to do separate from the “people pleasing” behavior that I have now denied myself, but also in the simple fact that I mined my body for energy to experience that temporary energetic experience of “being a good friend” or “doing what I said I was going to do” within pleasing another, which has further consequences on my physical human body.



Self-commitments

I commit myself to flag for myself when I go into the mind as energy, beginning with a single thought as backchat, and to immediately breathe and stop the energetic experience. 



I commit myself to, when and as I see myself engaging with the positive energy of the People Pleasing character, to stop and breathe. 

I commit myself to check in with myself and ask myself if what I am getting ready to do is actually what is best for me in self-honesty and then, 



I commit myself to do only what is best for all within the understanding and realization that this includes what is best for self

Day 71- Exploring Self-Responsibility

I have noticed a tendency within me to want to cover all bases in terms of my self-development so that I don’t have to have uncomfortable interactions with the people in my environment. I want to know myself and how mind consciousness systems in general, work, so well that no unforeseen circumstances can come up within which I don’t already have the answer. I suppose common sense would have informed me that “nothing good comes easy” and to avoid difficult situations in my life is an unrealistic goal. This hasn’t stopped me from experiencing the desire to bypass difficult situations and sort of just ride this wave of positive energy where I don’t experience discomfort or come into conflict with my environment.

Self-forgiveness



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to avoid uncomfortable situations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my desire to avoid uncomfortable situations comes from comparing myself to others who I perceive as having easier lives than me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not gifting me an ‘easier’ life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for ‘forcing’ me to experience uncomfortable situations by some shortcoming of their own, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have created myself into the situation and person I am today, and so all experiences I have have been created by me and are my responsibility alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve to speak up for myself when I am uncomfortable with some aspect of a situation, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that my perspective is valid and I have a right to communicate my problem with a situation

Self-corrective statements

When and as I see myself desire to avoid uncomfortable situations, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that pain and discomfort are teachers, and that repressing my impetus to say/do something about the situation is not an acceptable solution which is best for all, but rather allows the situation to continue without anyone taking responsibility for it

When and as I see myself not realize that my desire to avoid uncomfortable situations comes from comparing myself to others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that regardless of the different backgrounds each person comes from, I am still responsible for directing situations that happen to me to an outcome that is best for all

When and as I see myself blame my parents for ‘forcing’ me to experience a difficult situation, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am responsible for the situation I am in today, as I am responsible for me

Self-commitments

I commit myself to allow pain and discomfort to be teachers

I commit myself to direct situations to an outcome that is best for all

I commit myself to live the understanding that I am responsible for me in every moment of breath

 

Desteni.org

Day 70- Stopping Smoking (Part 1)

During this pandemic, I made the switch from smoking cigarettes occasionally to smoking them habitually, and it was a conscious decision to make that transition. Having done a lot of work on myself using the DIP Process prior to the start of the pandemic, I found myself rather bored during the mandatory lockdowns I experienced. I realized that this event was an opportunity for Heaven to assist Earth with preparing for a new future and that I was not positioned to make much of an impact on this process. Thus, I was faced with days on end of loneliness and boredom while things were shifted behind the scenes for the world to come. I had reached a point where any more work on myself would bring me needlessly into conflict with those around me/supporting me, and given the circumstances, it was not a great time for building out my social network. Thus, I made the decision to take up smoking as a way to pass the time. I justified this decision with the belief that I would be strong enough within myself when the time came to give up smoking and continue on with my process of creating myself as Life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take up smoking because I believed I was going to be bored during the reshuffling of the universe during the pandemic.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe life is boring if I don’t smoke cigarettes. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I don't have the proper support network to be able to quit smoking.

When and as I see myself go into regret because I believed I would be bored and so took up smoking, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that that decision is in the past- there is nothing I can do about it at this time. 

When and as I see myself believe that life is boring if I don't smoke cigarettes, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there are many interesting things to do in life besides smoking cigarettes. I see, realize, and understand that my life can be interesting without smoking cigarettes.

When and as I see myself believing I don't have the proper support network to be able to quit smoking, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I can build a support network for making healthy decisions, but that it takes work, that I must apply myself to create such a network, that it will not build itself overnight.