Friday, January 6, 2017

Day 15- SF on the experience of sabotage in relation to using substances.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience self-sabotage through substances.

Within this experience, I see two things that correspond to two separate behaviors in connection to substance use. The two behaviors are either to use the substance or to not.

In the former scenario, I use the substance and then experience the belief that I cannot “begin” my process due to the suboptimal conditions characterized by the influence the substance apparently has on me.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot do something due to imbibing a substance.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself not realize that since I’ve already taken in the substance, there is little I can do about any influence it may have on my body and so I forgive myself for not allowing myself to question the nature of the belief that I cannot begin my process due to being on a substance as the experience of this belief is tied to the behavior of taking substances. Within this, I see, realize, and understand that I create this cycle for myself where I first engage in the behavioral dimension of taking a substance and then experience regret, fear, etc. in relation to being under the influence of the substance.

The second behavior relating to this experience is where I follow the creeping thought in my head that taking the substance will be self-sabotage and do not take the substance. In such scenarios, I then experience myself as trapped by the apparent prerequisite that I be free from this substance’s influence on me. But this is a whole other point that I can explore later.

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