Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Day 7- Obsessive Compulsive Handwashing

A recurring experience that I've had in my reality has to do with obsessive compulsive tendencies. These tendencies are actually a new development as I've never before been so obsessed with certain small aspects of my reality. In fact, as a younger person, I was quite messy and disorganized at times and certainly wouldn't be on the more obsessive spectrum of compulsiveness. Yet, here I am, finding myself bothered by many little things in my reality that didn't bother me in the past.

One example is making sure my hands are 'perfectly' clean. Thus, if I am for example washing my hands and my hand accidentally touches the inside of the sink as I am washing them, the hand washing process is ruined and I am compelled to begin washing my hands once again. When I try to resist such a compulsion, often times the idea that I should go back to the bathroom and rewash sticks with me for a long time. There have been times when I've gone back some time later just to rewash my hands so as to prevent the spread of the dirtiness within whatever activity I am doing.

Sometimes I am able to think-talk my way out of the situation by reasoning that perhaps I would only make the situation worse by going back to the bathroom, picking up some unknown bacteria that I would otherwise avoid if I just got on with my life.

It's funny, because I can think back to my childhood where my mother would constantly have to remind me to wash my hands before a meal- it's like I wouldn't even think about it. Now, it bothers me.

I can see that this obsessiveness has to do with trying to set the stage for the implementation of something new in my life, where I am obsessed with getting the starting point correct and thus, if I can leave the bathroom knowing that my hands are clean, I have set the stage for the new implementation. If I don't get it just right, its like there is no point in doing anything else because I've already begun wrong.

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