tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42526931111517858132024-03-13T04:56:51.203-07:00Tyler's Journey to LifeTyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.comBlogger82125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-80688854109634760022021-02-19T18:28:00.007-08:002021-02-19T18:28:46.027-08:00Day 77- Self-Betrayal<p> Still dealing with the fallout of self-betrayal as taking in beer that I wasn’t prepared to take in.<br /><br />The “interesting” thing about real self-betrayal is that the regret, shame, anger, etc. that one experiences after such a moment are real. They don’t go away. They are like markers for your soul to make sure you have some takeaway from the experience that is so horrendous you never go there again. It sucks that it happened, but if you didn’t keep those negative emotions in relation to the experience of falling, you might not remember and you might not learn from the experience to make sure it doesn’t happen again. No amount of self-forgiveness can remove these <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com">emotions</a>- they remain with you like scars from a physical trauma. And they are experienced like a physical trauma- it’s like the body’s way of telling you to never go there again. You wouldn’t do the thing that caused your body to collect a scar which could last a lifetime- it’s the same for when you betray yourself in absolute self-abuse. Within that moment, I lost a part of myself. I will never get that back, and so, I cannot simply wish away the remembrance of that moment of self-abuse. The lesson is deeper than a simply emotional or <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/higher-mind-and-lower-body-quantum-mind-self-awareness">feeling</a> reaction to a moment in my daily life- it’s more of at an existential/beingness level where I must remember what happened through the storage of the pain as a symbolic reminder of what I- and I alone- did to myself. <br /><br />Normally, when walking a process of self-forgiveness, an emotional or feeling reaction to a situation indicates a point where I must do self-forgiveness for the mind-construct to ensure I don’t <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/holographic-kinetics-and-reality-reptilians-part-554">timeloop</a> into that pattern again in the future. With this type of self-forgiveness, I actually release myself from the emotional or feeling reaction within which I participated, and there is a sensation of release there when done correctly. I feel lighter afterwards. In this sense, it is a benefit for releasing myself from a less-than-optimal pattern that proves to me that the self-forgiveness is effective and therefore worthwhile. With a total-beingness self-<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/atlanteans-anu-and-my-insignificance-part-23">betrayal</a>, it was me as who I really am within that moment choosing to abuse myself. It wasn’t a mind construct, so I can’t forgive it to let it go and get lighter. I must keep the pain as a reminder of what I did so I never, ever do it again. Because what I was given in that moment was an opportunity to choose to transcend the mind entirely, and I chose instead to go into the mind. That choice, which I made for and as myself, was not what was best for me and was in fact self-abusive. So, I carry the wounds from that choice with me so my beingness can remember to not do that again. I wouldn’t want to forget such an important decision through self-forgiveness.</p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-31465376535529086202021-02-18T20:41:00.003-08:002021-02-18T20:41:52.687-08:00Day 76- Self-Abuse<p> I had a moment yesterday where I knew I should not have participated in a certain scenario, but I did it anyway. I went into a people-pleasing character and drank a beer that someone bought me. I knew the beer was too heavy and drinking it would lead me into a situation where I was no longer in control. I had an opportunity to refuse participating in the situation, but I allowed the <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/self-awareness-steps-for-the-elite-introduction-part-1">thought</a> “But then, you will have to create conflict with this person” to sneak in, and, not wanting to direct myself in self-responsibility, I accepted and drank the beer, even as I knew within myself it was a decision that was self-abusive. Immediately afterwards, I started to “feel good” as the beer coursed through my veins, and my mind offered additional backchat of “see, it was the right decision”. The combination of the chemical effect of the alcohol and the supportive (although at the same time not supportive) thoughts contributed to me staying at the bar and having another beer. I bummed a cigarette of someone. Again, I had an <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/atlanteans-missing-the-point-of-ourselves-part-41">opportunity</a> to not participate. Again, I doubled down because I “followed” the thought that I would create a scene/disappoint the person who bummed me the cigarette if I didn’t smoke it right then, and so I watched myself abuse myself yet again, simply by following a thought in my head I had about how another person would react to me not abusing myself.<br /><br />Having now two strong beers in my system, I went home where I found my roommate drunk. Chatting with him at this point was quite fun, as we both were under the influence of alcohol. At some point, I suggested we get more beer and he agreed. So, I got more beer and proceeded to drink more beer. I cooked dinner, and then drank more beer. Eventually, I started to feel quite bad- I got the hiccups and they wouldn’t go away- I felt bloated and uncomfortable. So, I went to bed, where I restlessly browsed the internet before eventually falling asleep. Today, I woke up to my 33rd birthday.<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when offered a beer that wasn’t the strength I was comfortable consuming, to accept it and drink it anyway because I didn’t want to disappoint/cause friction with the person who bought it for me.<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of blame towards my world and reality for not allowing me to simply drink a beer, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that I was trying to find some justification or excuse as to why I had betrayed my self-honesty to drink that beer, why I had killed a part of myself to please another/abuse myself, with practically no benefit but to ingest mild poison into my body and talk with others under the influence of alcohol. <br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I alone am responsible for destroying and maiming and obliterating a part of myself within that moment of accepting and drinking the beer, as nobody forced me to do it, despite my mind speaking to me, telling me that it would create conflict if I refused the beer and just went home. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that there was actually an opportunity before when I accepted having a beer bought for myself to leave the situation and go home, but that I suppressed that opportunity because “this is what I apparently want to do”.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that believing having a beer bought for me was “what I wanted to do” is simply a result of my friend suggesting earlier when I saw him that he would buy me a beer, and for that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by my friend’s words that suggested I allow him to buy me a beer, to the extent that I believed within myself that this is really what I wanted to do.<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how easily I can be influenced by words in this world when I am not standing one hundred percent within self-honesty and self-trust as who I really am.<br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the necessity and importance of standing clear with the words in my vocabulary, so that I may not be influenced by others activating energetic polarities I’ve embedded within words, through my own doing, to act in ways that is not best for all.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘Beer’ with positive energy, where “having a Beer” or “getting bought a Beer by a ‘Friend’” is experienced as an apparently Positive, good feeling.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to not realize that, despite charging ‘Beer’ with positive energy, the actual physical effect it has on by body when I drink too much or am not in a stable position to drink the Beer in front of me= is actually Negative, and so indicate much Self-Dishonesty that I am able to be influenced by the single utterance of the word ‘beer’ to do something Self-<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/the-consequence-of-not-understanding-my-own-mind-life-review">Abusive</a> beyond understanding and Reason, when the simple common sense of the abusive potential of Beer is Here and understood by All quite easily.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up before I have even begun<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit before I stood up in self-honesty<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for the apparently limited circumstances through which I must prove myself worthy of Life by Standing As What’s Best for All<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the reason why I must prove myself worthy through limitation is because I have abused life and so, in order to access infinite self-expression, I must prove myself through the trail and error of limitation, where the outfall of my abusive behavior is contained until I have transcended abuse as one as all as Equal.<br /><br />When and as I see myself tempted by the positive energy of pleasing another, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that self-Honesty is far more important than people-Pleasing. However, I see that I have been living people-Pleasing as an adaptive response to my environment, and it will take work to Transcend people-Pleasing as a self-abusive behavior.<br /><br />I commit myself to not please Others when it equates to Self-Abuse<br /><br />When and as I see myself blame others for my Self-Abuse, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that once I have abused myself, it is too late for Me. I acknowledge that I enter into the realm of Self-Obliteration when I abuse myself and there is no-one and nothing that can Save me from this Reality. I see, realize, and understand that the Consequences of my Self-Abuse will stay with me Forever- there is no undoing the past. Thus, I see that the best cure is prevention of self-abuse. I matter.<br /><br />I commit myself to stop self-abuse before it starts, by living in Breath as what is best for All.<br /></p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-83746609229861671262021-02-13T11:33:00.000-08:002021-02-13T11:33:20.937-08:00Day 75- Redefining and Living Careful<h3 style="text-align: left;"> Self-Allocation<br /></h3><p>“Be careful” I was often told during my childhood. Rarely did I want to listen. Usually, it was because I was doing something exciting or challenging and that was the expression I wanted to take. Eventually, I came to assign a <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/the-consequences-of-survival">negative</a> value to ‘<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/geometric-differences-kryon-my-existential-history">Careful</a>’ because I didn’t like it being imposed upon me. Another example is when I was driving with someone in the car and they, panicking, said “Be careful!” when it wasn’t really a situation where I wasn’t “being careful.” In fact, being careful became such a negative thing in my life that I took on an entire personality of being ‘Careless,’ that eventually became ‘Reckless’ and caused a lot of consequences for me in my life.<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Dictionary Definition<br /></h3><p style="text-align: left;">care·ful<br />/ˈkerfəl/<br /><br />adjective<br />adjective: careful; superlative adjective: carefullest<br />1. making sure of avoiding potential danger, mishap, or harm; cautious."I begged him to be more careful”<br />2. done with or showing thought and attention.<br />"a careful consideration of the facts”<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Sounding of the Word</h3><p style="text-align: left;">Care-full<br />Care: To give proper attention to; to love<br />Full: To the maximum capacity; to the optimal level<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Investigating the Word</h3><p style="text-align: left;"><br />When I was forced to be careful as a child, I resented that. I wanted to act as I was acting at the time, and didn’t understand fully what it meant to be careful, other than to do something in a way someone else wanted it to be done- not how I wanted it to be done. Eventually, I assigned a negative value to being careful, and expressed carelessness throughout my life. While the intentions of <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/workplace-dynamics-life-review">authority</a> figures telling me to be careful was to <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/lifereview-keeping-quiet">avoid</a> harm or danger, I interpreted that as being forced to do something a certain way when I was fully capable of doing it my way. However, I didn’t really consider and incorporate into my vocabulary and thus living the second definition of careful, which is done with or showing thought and attention. Very little of what I had in my childhood was explained to me as being mine and so I never had much incentive to care about the things in my reality. I was made to understand that it was my parents’ house I lived in, as if I was a guest there, so when I was assigned chores to do, I was only careful to the extent that I did a good enough job to have my work acknowledged by my parents. I didn’t understand that people were careful with their things because they cared about them and themselves and wanted to make the best out of their lives. <br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><br />Creative Phase</h3><p><br />Careful is taking care of everything in my reality without becoming overwhelmed but by exercising common sense.<br />Being careful is not doing things that hurt my body but taking care of the basic things in my life to allow me to live my life to the fullest extent possible<br />Careful is extending care to myself and others to reach my optimum potential<br />Careful is expressing the proper amount of care to myself and others<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Final Definition </h3><p>Careful is expressing the proper amount of care to myself and others<br /> </p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-69869805711691142802021-02-01T22:14:00.001-08:002021-02-01T23:24:31.456-08:00Day 74- Redefining and Living Careless<h3 style="text-align: left;"> Self-Allocation Point</h3><p>I have within my life assigned a positive energetic charge to this word. This goes along with my Loser Character, where I thought it was cool to appear as if I didn’t ‘Care’. Thus, I would not brush my hair, for instance. Or, I would deliberately dress ‘messy’ to appear as if I didn’t care. I wouldn’t clean my room because I believed it didn’t matter and therefore I did not Care. When others around me have used alcohol, I’ve participated because I ‘didn’t care’.<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Dictionary Definition</h3><p style="text-align: left;"><br />1. a: free from care: UNTROUBLED<br /> b: INDIFFERENT, UNCONCERNED<br /><br />2. not taking care<br /><br />3. not showing or receiving care<br /> a: NEGLIGENT, SLOVENLY<br /> b: UNSTUDIED, SPONTANEOUS<br /> c: obsolete: UNVALUED, DISREGARDED<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Sounding of the Word</h3><p style="text-align: left;">Care-less<br />Care: To give a shit about something, to give proper attention to, to treat as I would like to be treated<br />Less: Less than the potential, lacking<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Investigating the word</h3><p><br />I have associated a positive polarity to the word Careless as I believed it to be cool to resist what was here as the “systems that be”. I would deliberately seek to make it look as if I didn’t care about the things I was ‘expected’ to, so I could be seen as more-than or separate-from reality. I cultivated this careless character in my dress, behavior, and preferences for music. <br /><br />My definition was similar to the dictionary definition, except I hadn’t considered that being careless was ‘unstudied’ as it’s really a common sense way of going about the world to care for yourself, your loved ones, and the things in your reality. Within the sound I see the word care, which I define as to treat something as you would like to be treated, if you were that thing, and the word less, which I define as less than the potential of something.<br /><br />I can see that the obsolete definition of this word used to describe the object which was receiving less than the optimal amount of care. Thus, back in the day, for example, personal hygiene could have been described as careless because it wasn’t valued or regarded. But, generally, the definition can take on two definitions: either, untroubled, or negligent. I imagine someone skipping through a meadow, unbothered by the world’s troubles as the first definition. In the second case, the more common usage I’ve come across, it’s more of a negative state, where someone is negligent in their responsibility to care for something in their reality.</p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Creative Phase</h3><p>Careless is being free from worry because one has taken responsibility for all the things in their world which require care.<br />Careless is a Loser Character which pretends like they don’t care about the world but really haven’t gained financial stability within and as it.<br />Careless is pretending like you don’t have responsibilities <br />Careless is the feeling of having taken care of your responsibilities and having time to ‘play’.<br />Careless is neglecting to treat something like I would like to be treated<br />Careless is caring less than what’s required to give optimal attention to something<br />Careless is exerting less than the optimal effort to ensure you and the thing you are interacting with reach their highest potential.</p><p> I am having trouble coming up with a final definition of this word, so I have placed it at the <a href="https://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?p=72279#p72279" target="_blank">forum</a>. <span> </span></p><p><span> </span></p><p><span>Check out <a href="http://desteni.org">Desteni</a> </span></p><p><span>Check out the <a href="http://forum.desteni.org">forum</a> </span>for help with redefining and living words</p><p>Investigate <a href="http://equalmoney.org">Equal Money</a> for a system that supports All Life Equally<br /></p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-35181120995714320382021-01-31T17:58:00.000-08:002021-01-31T17:58:27.864-08:00Day 73- Coming to Terms<p>My life is such a complete fuck-up. <br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck myself up.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist conflict because of fearing conflict and because I want to be liked.</p><p> I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear conflict.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself not realize that fearing conflict implies I am not stable. </p><p>I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use fearing conflict to justify resisting conflict, instead of remaining stable within who I am.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that wanting to be liked implies that I am obsessed with an image of myself as someone who is liked.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked- instead of creating myself as living words as what’s best for all.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see and realize that fearing conflict and wanting to be liked indicate that I am not real as who I am in every moment of breath.<br /><br /><br /></p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-39689838375276455032021-01-30T20:44:00.002-08:002021-01-30T21:04:04.421-08:00Day 72- Stopping the People-Pleaser Character<p><a href="https://pixabay.com/vectors/care-fragile-packaging-handle-43938/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Care, Fragile, Packaging, Handle, Please" data-lazy-srcset="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2012/04/28/18/39/care-43938__340.png 1x, https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2012/04/28/18/39/care-43938__480.png 2x" data-lazy="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2012/04/28/18/39/care-43938__340.png" height="340" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2012/04/28/18/39/care-43938__340.png" width="312" /></a> The other day as I was preparing to go over to an acquaintance's house, something arose within me that told me unequivocally to "STOP! Don't go!" I could see this <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com">self-honest</a> urge arise within me and yet, I allowed myself to go into <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/demons-in-the-afterlife-part-9">backchat</a> regarding going over to the person's house and suppressed the urge to offer an excuse as to why I couldn't go, even though I really needed the quiet night to rest.<br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Self-forgiveness<br /></h3><p>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not listen to my inner voice when going over to X’s, that told me to not go, because I wanted to please X by showing up, and not create conflict by telling them I wasn’t going to show up.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/roller-coaster-ride-death-research-part-3">realize</a> that, within that moment, I lost myself because I wanted to “be something for someone else”, instead of listening to my self-honest inner voice which told me not to go. <br /><br />I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into immediate backchat when I self-honestly realized I should not go over to X&Y’s, that “I had already said I was going and in fact had driven all the way over to their house” and “this self-honest moment is infringing upon my stated plans”, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I had left my own sphere/lane/self and went into “what was expected of me”, and that THAT thought was the infringement, because being self-honest is always best for all/me, and compromising that for a singular thought is compromising ALL of me and ALL of self, to appease a single thought with some energetic charge that’s sole purpose is to seduce me. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that there was a positive energetic charge in “doing what was expected”/“not making conflict”.<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the positive energetic charge of pleasing another/others, without seeing, realizing, and understanding the nature of polarity inasmuch as this positive energetic charge was underpinned by the negative energetic charge of “disappointing others”. </p><p>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disappointing others as a learned behavior from my childhood where disobeying the authority figures in my life implied consequences being imposed upon me, so that I learned to disobey my self-honesty and compromise self for the sake of pleasing another. </p><p>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disobey my self-honesty for the purpose of pleasing another.<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what will happen to me if I do not compromise myself to please another.<br /><br />In the case of going over to X&Y’s, I actually needed the rest and to not engage in socializing, but I compromise that and thus my own health simply to avoid conflict/please another.<br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Self-corrective statements<br /></h3><p>When and as I see myself think “I should do this thing because it will please another”, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that it is necessary to primarily look within and cross-reference with my own self-honesty if it is something that I don’t really want to do or if it isn’t what’s best for all.<br /><br />When and as I see myself compromise my self-honesty to please another/avoid conflict, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that self-honesty is telling me what is best for self and that the backchat is attempting to lure me back into the energy of my subconscious as a personality construct, where I am playing the role of the people pleaser without considering my own needs/wants of, for example, needing rest for my physical body and self in my relationship with my mind and body. </p><p>When and as I see myself fear creating conflict by standing up as/for self, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this fear is simply a negative energetic charge of/as my People Pleaser personality that tricks me into gravitating towards the positive energetic charge of pleasing others without considering what is best for all life, always. </p><p>When and as I see myself drawn to the positive energetic charge of pleasing others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the positive energetic charge I get from apparently pleasing others is a momentary experience, and that when it passes, I am left with the rotten feeling of having compromised myself, not only in what I needed/wanted to do separate from the “people pleasing” behavior that I have now denied myself, but also in the simple fact that I mined my body for energy to experience that temporary energetic experience of “being a good friend” or “doing what I said I was going to do” within pleasing another, which has further consequences on my physical human body. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Self-commitments<br /></h3><p>I commit myself to flag for myself when I go into the mind as energy, beginning with a single thought as backchat, and to immediately breathe and stop the energetic experience. </p><p> I commit myself to, when and as I see myself engaging with the positive energy of the People Pleasing character, to stop and breathe. </p><p>I commit myself to check in with myself and ask myself if what I am getting ready to do is actually what is best for me in self-honesty and then, </p><p> I commit myself to do only what is best for all within the understanding and realization that this includes what is best for self</p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-64793905275260543802021-01-23T21:08:00.000-08:002021-01-23T21:08:36.777-08:00Day 71- Exploring Self-Responsibility<p><a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/boy-monk-river-buddhist-water-1807518/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Boy, Monk, River, Buddhist, Water" height="214" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2016/11/08/05/16/boy-1807518__340.jpg" width="320" /></a>I have noticed a tendency within me to want to cover all bases in terms of my self-development so that I don’t have to have uncomfortable interactions with the people in my environment. I want to know myself and how <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/the-structural-resonance-veno">mind consciousness systems</a> in general, work, so well that no unforeseen circumstances can come up within which I don’t already have the answer. I suppose common sense would have informed me that “nothing good comes easy” and to avoid difficult situations in my life is an unrealistic goal. This hasn’t stopped me from experiencing the desire to <a href="http://facebook.com/groups/journeytolife">bypass</a> <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/quantum-systemization-the-preventing-change-system-part-21">difficult</a> situations and sort of just ride this wave of <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/life-review-positivity-did-not-stop-the-darkness-of-me">positive</a> energy where I don’t experience discomfort or come into conflict with my environment. <br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Self-forgiveness </h3><p style="text-align: left;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to avoid uncomfortable situations<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my desire to avoid uncomfortable situations comes from comparing myself to others who I perceive as having easier lives than me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not gifting me an ‘easier’ life<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for ‘forcing’ me to experience uncomfortable situations by some shortcoming of their own, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have created myself into the situation and person I am today, and so all experiences I have have been created by me and are my responsibility alone<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve to speak up for myself when I am uncomfortable with some aspect of a situation, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that my perspective is valid and I have a right to communicate my problem with a situation<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Self-corrective statements<br /></h3><p style="text-align: left;">When and as I see myself desire to avoid uncomfortable situations, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that pain and discomfort are teachers, and that repressing my impetus to say/do something about the situation is not an acceptable solution which is best for all, but rather allows the situation to continue without anyone taking responsibility for it<br /><br />When and as I see myself not realize that my desire to avoid uncomfortable situations comes from comparing myself to others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that regardless of the different backgrounds each person comes from, I am still responsible for directing situations that happen to me to an outcome that is best for all<br /><br />When and as I see myself blame my parents for ‘forcing’ me to experience a difficult situation, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am responsible for the situation I am in today, as I am responsible for me<br /><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Self-commitments<br /></h3><p>I commit myself to allow pain and discomfort to be teachers<br /><br />I commit myself to direct situations to an outcome that is best for all<br /><br />I commit myself to live the understanding that I am responsible for me in every moment of breath</p><p> </p><p><a href="http://desteni.org" target="_blank">Desteni.org </a><br /></p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-91601724244805854442021-01-13T07:45:00.008-08:002021-01-13T07:49:21.278-08:00Day 70- Stopping Smoking (Part 1)<p><a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/non-smoking-stop-smoking-fag-2497308/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Non-Smoking, Stop Smoking, Fag" height="240" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/07/12/15/40/non-smoking-2497308__340.jpg" width="320" /></a>During this pandemic, I made the switch from smoking cigarettes occasionally to smoking them habitually, and it was a conscious decision to make that transition. Having done a lot of work on myself using the <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com" target="_blank">DIP</a> Process prior to the start of the pandemic, I found myself rather bored during the mandatory lockdowns I experienced. I realized that this event was an opportunity for <a href="http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com">Heaven</a> to assist Earth with preparing for a new future and that I was not positioned to make much of an impact on this process. Thus, I was faced with days on end of loneliness and boredom while things were shifted behind the scenes for the world to come. I had reached a point where any more work on myself would bring me needlessly into conflict with those around me/supporting me, and given the circumstances, it was not a great time for building out my social network. Thus, I made the decision to take up smoking as a way to pass the time. I justified this decision with the belief that I would be strong enough within myself when the time came to give up smoking and continue on with my process of creating myself as <a href="http://facebook.com/groups/journeytolife">Life</a>. </p><p>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take up smoking because I believed I was going to be bored during the reshuffling of the universe during the pandemic.</p><p>I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe life is boring if I don’t smoke cigarettes. </p><p>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I don't have the proper support network to be able to quit smoking. <br /><br />When and as I see myself go into regret because I believed I would be bored and so took up smoking, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that that decision is in the past- there is nothing I can do about it at this time. </p><p>When and as I see myself believe that life is boring if I don't smoke cigarettes, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there are many interesting things to do in life besides smoking cigarettes. I see, realize, and understand that my life can be interesting without smoking cigarettes.<br /><br />When and as I see myself believing I don't have the proper support network to be able to quit smoking, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I can build a support network for making healthy decisions, but that it takes work, that I must apply myself to create such a network, that it will not build itself overnight. <br /></p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-63191973100379916962020-08-19T04:31:00.001-07:002020-08-19T04:31:08.227-07:00Day 69- Do You Have ANXIETY?<p><a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/depression-man-anxiety-sad-emotion-4395124/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Depression, Man, Anxiety, Sad, Emotion" height="218" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2019/08/09/13/52/depression-4395124__340.jpg" width="326" /></a>Did that title make you anxious?</p><p>Today I had a silly experience with anxiety. I was trimming my nails and something I do quite often is trim them too short. Well, I was about to clip a toenail and a thought came up, "You should be careful not to trim that too short." Another: "You should use the smaller fingernail clipper so you don't cut it too short." I stopped the thoughts, and continued to trim the nail, making sure I didn't cut it too short. But, afterwards, I had lingering anxiety about the situation- "what if I had cut the toenail too short?". There was no pain, but even if I <i>had </i>cut it too short, there was nothing I could do about it at this point.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be anxious.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I am anxious<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being anxious.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire to be not anxious<br /><br />I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to not realize that I am anxious about something that ‘could have happened’- instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that the thing didn’t happen, and even if it did, there is nothing I can do about it at this time<br /><br />When and as I see myself become anxious, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that being anxious is an emotional reaction about something that either didn’t happen, happened but I cannot do anything about it, or happened and I am suppressing the solution of the problem within me and therefore must take ACTION to fix. I am not anxiety. I can act to create solutions.<br /><br />When and as I see myself reacting within anger at my being anxious, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that reacting to my anxiousness is an indication I am in my mind. <br /><br />When and as I see myself fear my anxiousness, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that anxiousness is not real; it is of and in my mind, and I can stop it within a breath. When and as I see myself desire to not be anxious, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that stopping anxiousness requires breathing, stopping, and redirecting myself within a moment. I commit myself to stop anxiety through breathing.<br /><br />I commit myself to realize that anxiety is not a solution, but to investigate whether the problem actually exists (lol), and if it does, if there is anything I can practically do about it. Otherwise, I commit myself to STOP anxiety in a single moment of breath. I commit myself to not become angry when I am experiencing anxiousness, but to stop, breathe, and ground myself in my physical reality, to stop the mind and remain here in awareness.<br /><br />I commit myself to not fear anxiety.<br /><br />I commit myself to not desire to not be anxious<br /><br />I commit myself to investigate and stop all forms of anxiety in this world.<br /><br />Thanks for reading <br /></p><p><a href="lite.desteniiprocess.com">DIP Lite</a>- Free self-help course w/Buddy (ONLINE)<br /><a href="eqafe.com">EQAFE</a>- Your existential library w/Every Question answered for EVERYONE <br /></p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-86104314989945396422020-08-16T04:03:00.014-07:002020-08-16T05:03:58.131-07:00Day 68- Why is Nobody Helping Me?<p><a href="https://pixabay.com/illustrations/together-helping%E2%80%8B-each-other-winning-2643652/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Together, Helping Each Other, Winning" data-lazy-srcset="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/08/15/12/04/together-2643652__340.jpg 1x, https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/08/15/12/04/together-2643652__480.jpg 2x" data-lazy="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/08/15/12/04/together-2643652__340.jpg" height="272" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/08/15/12/04/together-2643652__340.jpg" width="272" /></a>A thought came up the other day that ‘I am not getting the feedback I need/deserve from other Destonians’. I have been participating on the <a href="forum.desteni.org">forum</a> for 9 years. When I first started, it was a lot more active than it is these days, where it is mostly just a few of us posting our <a href="facebook.com/journeytolife">Journey to Life</a> blogs. I’ve thought ‘this is supposed to be a platform of support, why is nobody giving me feedback on my writings?” Within this is a stance of passivity, where I expect another to do something for me. Yes, there is a general expectation that the platform is there for people to interact and give feedback/support to others, but nobody is being paid to participate there and in no way is there an obligation for this feedback to occur. Thus, my entitlement to receiving feedback is misplaced. And, when I really look at it, I haven’t given much feedback to others on the forum. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not getting the feedback I deserve on the Desteni forum.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/life-review-i-believed-i-was-superior-to-my-mind">believe</a> I deserve feedback on the Desteni forum when and how I want it- instead of considering that forum members are real people with their own lives who may have any number of reasons for not wanting/being able to provide feedback to me </p><p>I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that believing I am entitled to feedback on the Desteni forum implies that I desire to receive feedback without explicitly asking for feedback, engendering an attitude of passivity where I expect to receive something for nothing.<br /><br />I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ask for feedback on the Desteni forum, instead of wondering and <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/wishing-and-hoping-and-dreaming-reptilians-part-257">hoping</a> and wishing to receive feedback on my posts, hiding behind the expectation that, because I read somewhere once that it is ‘supposed’ to be a platform of support, I should receive this support automatically without specifically asking for it if I have not received the support I want/need </p><p>When and as I see myself think ‘I am not getting the support I require on the Desteni forum’, I stop and I <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/i-know-i-know">breathe</a>. I see, realize, and understand that I am not entitled to receive anything in this life. If someone wants to give feedback, cool. </p><p>When and as I see myself believe I am entitled to receive feedback on the Desteni forum, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am capABLE of asking for feedback if I need it. <br /><br />When and as I see myself go into fear in relation to asking for feedback on a certain topic/issue I am struggling with, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that communication is important in getting the specific help I need, otherwise, how can anyone know what I require? </p><p>I commit myself to ask for feedback if I need it <br /><br />Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone
</p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-46265143445230289212020-08-14T22:57:00.004-07:002020-08-14T23:14:29.548-07:00Day 67- Redefining and Living Apathy (A-Path-I-See)<p>The process I used to explore this word can be found here: <a href="https://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=75&t=3241#p18230">https://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=75&t=3241#p18230</a><br /></p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Self-Allocation</h4><p>For me, I can remember developing a certain sense of apathy in my childhood in relation to my younger brother. He would go to extreme ends in attempting to gain my attention and eventually I learned to ‘block him out,’ so to speak. This sense of carelessness became a bit of an energetic fix of more-thanness whenever he would be acting sporadically and I would sit there, calm, grounded, having already decided I was going to ignore him. The more he thrashed, the better I felt, as I knew my lack of reaction was only winding him up more. Another memory I have related to the word apathy is when I received a compliment in high school from a popular girl who implied I just didn’t seem to care about things. I agreed with her assessment and felt a positive energy when she said I didn’t care. Thus, I have come over time to charge this word, apathy, with positive energy. </p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Dictionary Definition </h4><p>1. lack of feeling or emotion : IMPASSIVENESS<br /> // drug abuse leading to apathy and depression<br />2. lack of interest or concern: INDIFFERENCE<br /> // political apathy<br /></p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Sounding of the Word<br /></h4><p>A-path-I-see</p><h4 style="text-align: left;"> Investigating the word</h4><p>I have developed a positive polarity in association with the word apathy as I learned to express indifference to my little brother and my mother’s erratic behavior growing up. This continued into my school days as I often got in trouble for showing indifference to my teacher’s and my mother’s expectations of me. Once I started using drugs, I enjoyed the apathetic feeling I experienced while under their influence, as if the world and it’s problems didn’t matter. Eventually, I came to lack total interest or concern with anything except for drugs, as I saw the world as a hopeless place and had little interest in politics. This apathetic feeling I kept reaching for made me feel separate from the world around me, in a way that made me feel superior. Instead of learning to work with the system, I just rejected it, justifying my apathy with self-righteousness. It’s interesting that the dictionary definition gave an example of drug abuse leading to apathy and depression, as that’s exactly what happened to me. I chased that feeling of apathy as separation and more-thanness in relation to the world around me, a feeling that drugs helped me to achieve. However, the combination of the drug abuse and re-charging the emotional experience of apathy over and over again led to depression, which to me is basically the experience of inescapable apathy. While getting high and feeling separate from the world and my own problems was originally a choice I made, once I became depressed, I was basically at the throes of my own negative emotions. Apathy came to me without choice, even when I wanted to do things that I enjoyed. Thus, by positively valuing apathy, I eventually created like this giant inescapable experience of apathy towards everyone and everything in this world. And I really got very deep into it! I ended up homeless, completely cut off from everyone in my past life, even my parents, just experiencing pain and indifference over and over again without even understanding how I had created this experience for myself nor how deeply embedded within it I truly was. Within the word ‘apathy’, I see the sounds ‘A path i see’. Even still, to this day, I tend to react to my problems or difficult experiences within apathy, where I even have caught myself at times saying ‘I just don’t care’ when faced with an uncomfortable experience. What I have really thought / decided within myself even previous to this statement, however, is “I can’t do this.” Within the sounds I see in the word, what if, instead of thinking ‘I can’t do this’, and then justifying/trying to soothe myself within the maelstrom of negative emotions/the actual, real problem still existing in my world within the statement as energetic experience of “I don’t care”, I stopped, took a breath, slowed my world/reality down for a moment, and said “A path I see”. </p><p>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think “I can’t do this” when confronted with a difficult situation/problem<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then justify my reaction of “I can’t do this” with/within the energetic experience of “I don’t care about this” <br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into the experience of blame for experiencing the difficult situation in the first place<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the positive experience of apathy is the other side of the coin of the negative experience of blame/jealousy that other’s are not apparently forced to experience the same plight to which I have been subject, and that these two energetic experiences compliment/balance out each other to create and maintain the entire energetic personality activation when a difficult situation causes me to have the thought “I can’t do this”. Further, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to not realize that this personality experience as the oscillation between positive feeling and negative emotional energy is designed to keep me trapped in energy / distract me from the actual issue at hand that I am not moving myself to effectively find solutions for.<br /><br />I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the entire energetic personality system is already activated as soon as I have the thought “I can’t do this” and by the time I notice that I am in positive feelings of apathy/negative feelings of blame/self-pity/comparison/blame = it is already too late. When and as I see myself reacting within energy to a problem/situation within the positive feeling of apathy, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that apathy is the outflow of giving up, where I instead seek positive energetic fixes through distracting myself from the triggering issue/event that “I don’t care about”. I am not apathy, I am not an energy that keeps me distracted and limited in my reaction to a problem in my reality.<br /><br />When and as I see myself reacting within energy to a problem/situation within the negative emotion of blame, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that blame is used to justify my apathy so that I can keep going back and forth between positive and negative energetic experiences in my mind, not seeking solutions and acting in reality to create solutions. I am not blame. I created the problems that caused this Particular Mind Construct to activate, I am response-ABLE to fix them. </p><p>When and as I see myself react to a problem within the thought “I can’t do this,” I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such a thought indicate I am in my Mind, experiencing energy resourced from the physical, essentially Self-Abuse. I am not the Mind. I can create and implement solutions to a problem as it is presented to me. I am not Self-Abuse. </p><p>I commit myself to create and implement solutions that are Best for All.<br /></p>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-25034486158456538252020-08-05T12:42:00.000-07:002020-08-05T20:39:32.405-07:00Day 66- Self-Forgiveness on Placing my Power in AnotherMany moons ago, I fell in ‘love’ with a person who I believed granted me access to things I simply would not be able to discover without this person in my presence. It is true that I discovered possibilities I hadn’t thought of before I met this person. However, I came to put A on a pedestal because I had the belief that I wouldn’t be able to continue to access these unknown, apparently ‘extraordinary’ things without being around them.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can only access ‘extraordinary’ things when in the presence of A<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe A is more-than others because I discovered these things about myself in their presence and therefore they must be imbued with ‘special’ powers<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe A has ‘special’ powers- instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that these things I accessed within myself are simply ‘Words’- words, which can be accessed and lived by anyone who has the vocabulary to access them<br />
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I forgive myself therefore for placing my power to access words outside of myself, in A, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I have the power to access and live words within myself, if only I applied the process of redefining words into a form I can stand with/as into infinity and committing myself to live them<br />
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When and as I see myself place my power to live words outside of myself in an ‘other’ ‘out-there’, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the power to live words lies within me, I am the arbiter of my destiny within redefining the words that constitute my participation in this reality and choosing to bring to life new words.<br />
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I commit myself to redefine and live words that are best for all<br />
<br />
Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone
Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-40973668552028770722020-08-04T19:52:00.003-07:002020-08-04T21:26:38.423-07:00Day 65- Blaming Desteni Process for my 'Life'I’ve had within my the belief ‘Everything in my life has gone to shit since Desteni Process started’.<br />
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<a class="wXeWr islib nfEiy mM5pbd" data-nav="1" data-navigation="server" href="https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Flite.desteniiprocess.com%2Fmarketing-assets%2FDIP-Lite-Logo-Full.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Flite.desteniiprocess.com%2Fmarketing&tbnid=kNa0nNWhLandQM&vet=12ahUKEwis2ri5hoPrAhU4AzQIHYRnDV4QMygFegUIARCaAQ..i&docid=Z7VX2KodxwxcfM&w=640&h=480&q=desteni%20i%20process&client=firefox-b-1-d&ved=2ahUKEwis2ri5hoPrAhU4AzQIHYRnDV4QMygFegUIARCaAQ" style="height: 171px;" tabindex="0"></a>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame Desteni Process for my life apparently going to shit<br />
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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that blaming Desteni Process for my life going to shit implies I do not take responsibility for my life going to shit<br />
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I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my life going to shit<br />
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When and as I see myself not take responsibility for my life going to shit, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that no one else can take responsibility for my life having gone to shit. I commit myself to create stability in and as me as who I am as Life<br />
<br />
Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone
Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-34214686825583866862020-07-28T16:47:00.000-07:002020-07-28T18:52:33.676-07:00Day 64- In a Relationship with a Narcissist? Don't Be Like I WasYou know how they say you should go no contact if you realize you have a narcissist in your life? Well, I am a shining example of a reason why. Instead of reaching out to friends or other family members when I was in need, I went crawling back to the narcissist. It was a ‘comfortable’ relationship, which basically meant it was one of those relationships that society ‘tells’ you is sacrosanct. For me, that meant I didn’t have to deal with my issues as long as I could keep going back to this relationship. What I didn’t realize was that merely participating in this relationship WAS one of my issues. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a relationship with a narcissist<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that participating in a relationship with a narcissist implies I lack self-respect<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lack self-respect<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that lacking self-respect implies I have never created self-respect within and as who I am as a living word<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self-respect<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe someone else should give me self-respect<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that believing someone else should give me self-respect implies that I am not the director of myself<br />
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When and as I see myself wanting to participate in a relationship with this narcissist, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there will be no closure when participating in a relationship with a narcissist and therefore there is no way this relationship can be best for all or best for me in any way. <br />
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When and as I see myself not direct myself, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that lacking self-direction implies I am waiting for someone or something to direct me, such as a substance to which I am addicted or an authority figure or fear or needing money and so I deny myself the gift of creating myself whenever I give my authority over to someone or something outside of me to direct me, but that there can be no closure within that relationship because I am not a narcissist and therefore I must take responsibility for who I am in every moment.<br />
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I commit myself to take responsibility for who I am in every moment<br />
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<br />
Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone
Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-63824640974503218372020-07-24T12:25:00.001-07:002020-07-28T12:59:52.007-07:00Day 63- Fearing Living WordsHow did I get to the point where I am afraid of myself? Why are you afraid of yourself? Ego. I am enthralled with the idea of bringing something unknown into this world but I would rather experience the energy of being that person than actually express myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to experiencing myself as important- instead of being inspired by ‘being important’ to actually act to bring something unknown into this world<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that being addicted to the energy of being important mirrors my own addictions to substances in and of this world, which I use as a ‘backdoor’ to keep me cycling in cycles of being of this world as I engage in/with substances, and holding me back from being ‘in’ this world but not ‘of’ this world<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear missing an opportunity to express myself in such a way as to bring something unknown into this world, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown because I fear making a mistake and because I fear death<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making a mistake<br />
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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fearing making a mistake implies I haven’t acted on the goal I haven’t even set for myself which is to bring something unknown into this world<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not differentiate between mind constructs, nothingness, and living words wherein I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define mind constructs as negative and nothingness as positive and not allowed myself to live words because I have defined living words as ‘something’ and thus gave myself no space/time to explore living words because I was caught in the duality of “either you are in the Mind” or: “you are creating Nothingness”. <br />
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<br />
Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone
Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-79953213084909762652020-07-23T01:46:00.000-07:002020-07-23T01:47:34.566-07:00Day 62- Fearing Sleeping<a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/baby-kid-cute-happy-girl-little-2032302/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Baby, Kid, Cute, Happy, Girl, Little" data-lazy-srcset="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/02/02/09/36/baby-2032302__340.jpg 1x, https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/02/02/09/36/baby-2032302__480.jpg 2x" data-lazy="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/02/02/09/36/baby-2032302__340.jpg" height="207" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/02/02/09/36/baby-2032302__340.jpg" width="320" /></a>Today there was a moment where I could see that what I was on my way to do wasn't what was best for me, but I continued on to do the thing I had set out to do anyway. I can see that the original thought to do the thing was tied to a habitual behavioral pattern that is not best for all, but I interpreted the self-honesty to stop/change what I was doing as "intrusive". <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience the budding expression of self-honesty as intrusive because it apparently contradicted my previous thought that I wanted to do the thing I was on my way doing.<br />
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I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to not realize that experiencing the self-honesty impulse to STOP is actually my self-expression trying to "poke through" whereas the original thought to do the thing was a) aligned with a habit that is b) not best for all and my suppression of STOPPING in that moment was actually me as the mind wanting to "cling" to my unconscious behavioral pattern of taking caffeine at night when it will affect my sleep and through off my rhythm making it difficult to participate normally during the day. <br />
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I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that this thought is an extension of my mind and not what is best for all/self in a moment<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to not realize that the thought "it's too early to sleep, I should go get a diet Coke" is not as innocent as it seems- as it happened in the evening and has had repercussions lasting into the early morning in terms of me not being able to sleep. The seemingly INNOCENT enjoyment of a coke that late in my day/evening has consequences lasting for the 12 hour half-life of caffeine. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the very thought of not wanting to sleep is = avoiding a negative. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sleeping too early in the night as negative.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that defining sleeping too early in the night as negative implies that I fear waking up too early.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear waking up 'too early'.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fearing waking up 'too early' implies that I believe I will have nothing to do if I wake up early in the morning when nothing is apparently going on.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have nothing to do early in the morning- instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding there are plenty of activities I can do early in the morning.<br />
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When and as I see myself go into the experience of tiredness and then react to that within 'it is too early/late to sleep', I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I must check in with myself during such times and listen to my body- if it needs sleep and I can afford to get some rest, then I can let my body rest. <br />
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When and as I see myself <i>react</i> to sleepiness within 'I should get some caffeine, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there are certain situations where taking caffeine will/could/might affect my ability to sleep during 'normal sleeping hours' lol, and so I can/should take that into consideration when considering taking caffeine to fend of tiredness.<br />
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When and as I see myself fearing sleeping in case I should 'wake up too early', I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that 'waking up too early' is/has been defined by me through my mind and, as long as I am getting the proper amount of sleep, there is always something I can do/be doing, regardless of the 'time' I might have to do it.<br />
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I commit myself to let my body sleep when/if it needs to sleep<br />
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I commit myself to consider the time of day when considering taking caffeine; if it's too late and I don't want to be up late, I commit myself to not partake of caffeine<br />
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I commit myself to realign my relationship with activities/tasks to being effective/productive and not define my willingness/appropriateness of doing the task by the time of day.<br />
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<br />
Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone
Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-71908974995747882962020-07-22T08:18:00.001-07:002020-07-22T08:25:25.545-07:00Day 61- Coming to Terms with Narcissistic Abuse<a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/boy-lonely-asian-sad-alone-child-4658244/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Boy, Lonely, Asian, Sad, Alone, Child" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2019/11/28/02/28/boy-4658244__340.jpg" /></a>Coming to terms with the fact that my life is ruined because of my choice to interact with a narcissist and buy into her insinuations that she is there to help me. It is easy to blame this person for wasting my life, but I participated with/as her in the ways I did.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moments of change during times of conflict because I fear the unknown and because I am not secure in who I am within the world system<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown.<br />
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I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that fearing the unknown implies I cling to the known<br />
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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use fearing the unknown to justify avoiding change in moments of conflict, instead of seizing moments of conflict as opportunities to change.<br />
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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not be secure in who I am within the world system.<br />
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I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that not being secure in who I am within the world system implies that I haven’t created my change into placing myself as who I am within and as the world system, taking into consideration the principle of being in the world, but not of the world.<br />
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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not be secure in who I am within the world system- instead of creating financial stability for myself step by step<br />
<br />
Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone
Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-60335003094501501212020-07-19T20:14:00.001-07:002020-07-19T22:05:51.947-07:00Day 60- The Perfect Job- Does it Exist?<a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/job-job-offer-workplace-job-search-2860035/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Job, Job Offer, Workplace, Job Search" height="212" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/10/17/10/05/job-2860035__340.jpg" width="320" /></a>I don’t know what type of job I want. I can see that it is perhaps more important so simply place myself in the system, because the likelihood of landing a job that fits into my fantasy of being perfectly melded with my process and goals seems unlikely. Even landing the type of job I want seems unlikely— what’s more important is to place myself in the system in a financially stable position, knowing I will be able to apply myself within my process in whichever position I find myself actually being hired for. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate thoughts and feelings about landing the perfect job, only to become upset when the littlest thing derails my path<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I can navigate the entire system perfectly, without making one single tiny misstep, in such a way as perfectly matches the vision I created within my mind, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that it’s more a matter of practically placing myself in the system with the goal of achieving financial independence, a process which guarantees nothing and is rather dependent upon the actions of external characters who determine whether I am hired or fired, regardless of the energy I have applied towards my idea of the position, and the polarities I have assigned the words that describe the position<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not humble myself before the system<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am more important than the entire system that supports human beings on earth<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that thinking I am more important than the entire system that supports human beings on earth implies that I believe the system values me as an individual<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within my belief that the system values me as an individual, think and believe that it then thus owes me a position to my liking such as I am capable of envisioning ahead of time, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I must physically walk myself into places of employment and ask for a job without the security and stability that I imagine within my mind of it matching my wants, needs, and desires perfectly to a t. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus want to control the employment situation ahead of time by generating a certain energy frequency based on my imaginings of ‘the perfect job’ and allowing and accepting myself to become upset when the world out-there doesn’t match up with that generated energy frequency I have created, leading me to think thoughts about wanting to give up even looking for a job and spending days and days cycling in this cycle of generating imaginings and fantasies related to a ‘job’, going about my errands and experiencing a lack of support for that particular energetic frequency, and then giving up searching for a job entirely<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I am generating positive energy in my mind around an image of a perfect job I would like to have, concurrently there exists negative energy related to ‘what I don’t want from a job’ that I am trying to avoid and so, <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to avoid certain scenarios as jobs/hiring processes/situations instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that, similar to the positive energy-experiences I ‘crave’, such scenarios/instances/hypothetical situations = don’t exist <br />
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Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the giving up/not wanting to look for a job component is based on imagery/energies and so similarly not real.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that such negative energetic experiences as imagined scenarios cannot and will not exist and therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the generated negative emotional charges related to those thoughts/ideas/fantasies as justification to not look for a job/just give up looking while the clock keeps on ticking for me to establish financial stability within/as the system<br />
<br />
<br />
Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for Everyone
Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-91103198374903432112020-07-16T13:16:00.001-07:002020-07-17T22:32:59.332-07:00Day 59- What Scrolling Social Media Says About the Nature of the Mind<a href="https://pixabay.com/illustrations/mobile-phone-smartphone-app-1087845/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Mobile Phone, Smartphone, App, Networks" height="141" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2015/12/11/09/30/mobile-phone-1087845__340.jpg" width="200" /></a>You're sitting there on Instagram, scrolling through your feed. You know you shouldn't be doing it, but at this point you've been in lockdown for what seems like years and, really, what else is there to do?!?<br />
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You know what I'm talking about when you experience what seems like a continuous stream of highs and lows, seemingly unrelated to the content you're viewing. Why does it seem like sometimes when you are viewing things you actually like, you still go into a "down?" Why do you sometimes get a rush when you are looking at disturbing content, and then feel guilty about it later? Why can't you seem to just look at your content without the endless rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows? <br />
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The thing about the mind is that it is actually <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">preprogrammed</a>. When you are sitting looking at your feed, you are suppressing whatever normal emotions and feelings you'd experience throughout your day, searching for just a moment of calm in this crazy world. But have you noticed you can't just turn your mind off?<br />
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The programs of the mind continue operating in the background as you lounge on the couch with your phone. You open your feed and the image of a kitten resonates with a <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/self-awareness-steps-for-the-elite-introduction-part-1" target="_blank">positive</a> memory of kittens, and your mind's program is activated. <br />
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You keep scrolling.<br />
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While you have meticulously curated your feed at this point to present an unbroken stream of almost entirely positive, apparently uplifting images, including glamour shots of your friends doing cool stuff, you know it's coming: the inevitable valley after the peak of euphoria. <br />
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Why is it so hard to predict what will trigger this sudden relapse into <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/a-master-manipulator-life-review" target="_blank">negative</a> feelings? Clearly, a well-taken picture of your stoked friend doing something envious should elicit positive feelings. Although, sometimes it's just the odd dark or realistic image that has snuck into your scrolling which triggers it, and that make's more sense. But it doesn't seem to really matter which image it is, the oscillation between high and low seems inevitable.<br />
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So, what's going on here?<br />
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As mentioned earlier, the nature and structure of your mind is preprogrammed and those programs are based in polarity. In order to continuously generate energy (the mind, like a computer, requires energy to keep operating it's programs), the mind needs to swing back and forth between positive and negative. <i>This program operates regardless of what is going on in your environment</i><br />
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What's more, it can utilize positive or negative images/experiences to trigger the next stage<i> </i>of the program- it doesn't matter if you are already in a positive or negative experience. <br />
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For more information on how the mind operates and how to break out of the cycle of constantly cycling between positive and negative, positive and negative, investigate <a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a>.<br />
<br />
<i></i>
Suggest to check out <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- a FREE online course w/buddy<br />
<a href="http://desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP PRO</a><br />
<a href="http://destonians.com/">Destonians.com</a>- Destonian Social Network<br />
<a href="http://facebook.com/journeytolife" target="_blank">7 Year Journey to Life</a>- The 7 Year journey to life<br />
<a href="http://equalmoney.org/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a>- Investigate the proposal for a new economic system to be implemented worldwide in years to come<br />
<a href="http://livinincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Living Income Guaranteed</a>- The first step in that economic system<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every question answered for EveryoneTyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-76631928041431468962020-07-10T20:13:00.001-07:002020-07-10T20:22:11.883-07:00Day 58- Hurry Up!So a trigger point is when someone isn’t moving quickly enough for me. This stresses me out.<br />
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<a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/waiting-appointment-schedule-time-410328/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Waiting, Appointment, Schedule, Time" height="266" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/08/05/10/31/waiting-410328__340.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become stressed out when someone doesn’t move quickly enough for me, because of believing I am better than that person and because I am afraid of becoming diminished if I allow myself to be affected by the person.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am better than the other person.<br />
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I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself not realize that believing I am better than the other person implies I am in the mind, not here in physical reality.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use believing I am better than the other person in my mind to justify becoming stressed out when someone doesn’t move quickly enough for me, instead of slowing down to be here, in physical reality, by breathing and coming back into my physical body<br />
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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming diminished if I allow myself to be affected by another person.<br />
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I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that fearing becoming diminished if I allow myself to be affected by another person implies that I have been living out this fear reaction for a long time.<br />
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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming diminished by another person if I allow them to affect me -instead of directing myself within common sense in every moment of breathTyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-33900692283766520552020-07-09T22:53:00.003-07:002020-07-09T22:53:21.825-07:00Day 57- Part 4- Self-Forgiveness on Separation<a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/despair-alone-being-alone-archetype-513529/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="man covering his face with his hand" height="217" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/11/02/09/15/despair-513529__340.jpg" width="320" /></a>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as separate<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as more than<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as less than<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I must take full responsibility for who I am in every moment of breath, here.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand in equality with my world and my environment in every moment of breath, but to instead go into the mind in separation where I can define myself as special, different, more than, or less than another, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that the very person I am defining myself in relation to is: a part of me in oneness and equality<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the equality part of the oneness and equality reality, where I accept the oneness of existence and reality without considering the equality that must be cherished within each being existent in our shared reality, where it is the absolute manifestation of spite and hatred to consider myself as more valuable than another being, simply because I have defined myself as such within my mind, being, and body, not considering that: we have all been gifted life equally<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as less than within a self-definition of mental illness, where I secretly, within myself wanted to be more than others, but when I couldn't get my way, I descended into the depths of the darkness available within me, programming myself in despair, self-pity, self-loathing, self-hatred, and self-abuse, manifesting myself as the very realization of less-than so I could hold another in spite<br />
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Investigative links:<br />
<a href="http://desteni.org/">Desteni.org</a><br />
<a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a>- FREE online course w/Buddy<br />
<a href="http://eqafe.com/" target="_blank">EQAFE</a>- YOUR existential library w/Every Question AnsweredTyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-72613673350733312222020-07-09T22:08:00.001-07:002020-07-09T22:15:00.602-07:00Day 57- Part 3- Self-Interest/Self-AbuseToday there were two moments where I saw something which I could have acted upon which was best for all. Unfortunately, I didn’t ‘trust’ the self-trust within me (remember, everything is in reverse), and continued doing the thing I knew wasn’t best for all. The thing about these moments is that it wasn’t pure self-interest which I was following, but actually a self-interested self-abusive point. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself by drinking the frappucino.<br />
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I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress that which inside me told me to not drink the frappucino, even though I knew it was best for all within the moment<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I received a second chance in the form of leaving the frappucino in my truck, to instead grab the frappucino out of my truck and proceed to drink it, embodying Spite in all it’s eviL glory in that moment<br />
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<a href="http://desteni.org/">Desteni.org</a>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-69402362311160409382020-07-09T21:18:00.001-07:002020-07-09T21:41:04.333-07:00Day 57- Part 2- Two Dimensions of Spite<h4>
Self-Allocation Point</h4>
Spite is a pretty extensive point for me within my life. What came up immediately was my relationship with my mother, which, when communication was replaced by manipulation, transferred into a dynamic of: spite. She didn't trust me, so she would act towards me in ways that didn't consider what was best for me. In return, I responded to her unreasonable requests and expectations (power over me) spitefully. I was trying to hold onto whatever sense of independence I could, especially when I knew that what she was telling me to do / making me do wasn't what was best for me. So, I learned to manipulate her to get her to believe a certain image of me, so that I could then act in the way I wanted to. <br />
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<a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/viegeland-park-in-spite-of-the-head-2678954/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Viegeland Park, In Spite Of The Head" height="320" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/08/25/02/13/viegeland-park-2678954__340.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
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Dictionary Definition<i><b> </b></i></h4>
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<i><b>noun</b></i> </h4>
1. <b>: </b>petty ill will or hatred with the disposition to irritate, annoy, or thwart <br />
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<span class="dt "><span class="dtText"><span class="mw_t_bc">2. </span><b class="mw_t_bc">: </b>an instance of spite</span></span></div>
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<b><span class="drp" id="in-spite-of-anchor">in spite of</span></b> <br />
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<span class="sb-0"><span class="dt "><span class="dtText"><b class="mw_t_bc">: </b>in defiance or contempt of <b class="mw_t_bc">: </b>without being prevented by
<span class="ex-sent first-child t no-aq sents">succeeded <i class="mw_t_it">in spite of</i> their opposition</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="sb-0"><span class="dt "><span class="dtText"><span class="ex-sent first-child t no-aq sents"><i><b>verb</b></i> </span></span></span><span class="sb-0"></span></span><br />
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<span class="sb-0"><span class="sb-0"><span class="sn sense-1 a"><span class="letter">1. a: annoy, offend</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="sb-0"><span class="sb-0"><span class="sn sense-1 a"><span class="letter"> b: to fill with spite</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="sb-0"><span class="sb-0"><span class="sn sense-1 a"><span class="letter">2. to treat maliciously (as by shaming or thwarting)</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="sb-0"><span class="dt "><span class="dtText"><span class="ex-sent first-child t no-aq sents"><b>Sounding of the Word</b></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="sb-0"><span class="dt "><span class="dtText"><span class="ex-sent first-child t no-aq sents">spit- To spew toxins outwardly</span></span></span></span></div>
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Creative Writing</h4>
I see spite as a very extreme manifestation in this world. When I was exploring my self-allocation point of the word, I initially saw it as a manifested behavior pattern that was more neutral in terms of the external affect it had on my world. More "in spite of". But, I see within the dictionary definition that there is also the definition of "to be spiteful towards." Which is a darker dimension as it implies wanting to treat someone maliciously, which is going beyond simply doing something despite their preference, simply because you want to do it, and venturing into the territory of deliberate abuse. <br />
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So, there are a couple of dimensions of spite going on within me.<br />
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The first dimension, the "doing something despite what someone else would prefer you do in that moment", I assigned a positive polarity to. Sick of being told what <i>not</i> to do, I learned ways and means to regardless do those things.<br />
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However, I repeatedly received the second, more darker dimension of the word spite, where I was the direct receiver of abusive spite- I mean I literally remember being spit at in my face as the pure rage and anger was directed at me as a child- not cool. So, I, assigned a negative polarity to <i>this </i>form of spite: because, I didn't want to receive it. However, because of this negative polarity attached to it, I suppressed it, and this thus manifested itself in sudden spurts of anger when I could no longer control and contain the spitefulness, even when I knew it was wrong. <br />
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<span class="sb-0"><span class="dt "><span class="dtText"><span class="ex-sent first-child t no-aq sents">Due to a wrist injury, I will continue this redefinition process in a later blog.</span></span></span></span></div>
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Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-24391283173431546652020-07-09T07:34:00.001-07:002020-07-09T07:38:22.278-07:00Day 57- Growing Out of Competitive Video Games<a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/arm-wrestling-indian-wrestling-567950/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Arm-Wrestling, Indian Wrestling" height="213" src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/12/14/16/05/arm-wrestling-567950__340.jpg" width="320" /></a>I experience myself as quite sensitive to my external environment. I pick up on the energy of whoever is around me, and sometimes the person can be miles away and I still 'pick up' on their energy. For example, when I play a game on my phone, I 'pick up' on the energy of the other person playing, and it is no longer about me the game, but about who the other person is within their playing. <br />
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Obviously, bringing this back to self, it is an indication I am not grounded in my physical body. I should not be able to be influenced by another person in such a way as to become emotionally upset or feel like I am not in control of the situation. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become upset when playing a mobile game and I perceive myself as 'unable to just play', but am instead apparently forced to reckon with who this person is within their life, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that such a reaction indicates that I was not grounded before playing the game.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ground myself within my physical body before engaging with another on mobile.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become upset when I perceive myself as no longer able to just play my precious game<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to not realize that becoming upset while playing the game indicates that I was already lost within the mind <i>before</i> I even started playing the game, creating an unstable situation, where the equality equation might require that I a) stop playing the game or b) deprioritize 'just playing the game' for a moment to deal with this person within who they are in their environment on a beingness level, but I am within that moment only considering/thinking/emoting in relation to myself and thus become upset when my little bubble of self is broken and *gasp* someone else's life might interrelate with mine.<br />
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I have noticed that I only become upset in this way when playing competitive multiplayer games. When I am playing a single-player puzzle game, for example, I do not experience the same "I am being intruded upon" emotional reaction. Something about the competitive nature of the multiplayer games I've played just doesn't jive with walking my process, even in those instances where I've grounded myself before playing. Because it's always about the beings playing and where they are within who they are that is the most important thing to consider in trying to build a world that is best for all. And so I'm drawn to put aside utilizing whichever method or psychological trick I have at my disposal to win the game at any cost, and then the game is no longer really relaxing or fun for me. <br />
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Investigate <a href="http://desteni.org/" target="_blank">Desteni</a> and especially the <a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/" target="_blank">DIP Lite</a> FREE online course w/Buddy where you learn to walk the mind in detail in the first step in taking responsibility for who and what you are in this world. From there, we can expand to implementing an <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Equal-Money-180382595341256/" target="_blank">Equal Money System</a> that considers the inherent value in all life.<br />
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<a href="http://desteni.org/">Desteni.org</a>Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252693111151785813.post-82851237790801919632020-07-07T04:30:00.001-07:002020-07-08T23:33:19.140-07:00Day 56- Self-sabotage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/self-sabotage-nature-design-atlanteans-part-285" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Full self sabotage nature design atlanteans part 285" class="img-fluid" data-behavior="shift_click_edits" data-product-id="3482" height="400" src="https://eqafe.com/uploads/product/image/3482/full_self-sabotage-nature-design-atlanteans-part-285.jpg" title="Self Sabotage: Nature & Design - Atlanteans - Part 285" width="270" /></a></div>
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Why do I sabotage myself. How do I sabotage myself. When I don’t slow down, and I rush to do things, I am sabotaging myself. Why and how do I rush to do things? Caffeine. Improper nutrition. Stress caused by caffeine and improper nutrition. I need to focus on taking care of the little things in my life. This will help me establish discipline. This will strengthen my self-responsibility. I was not taught self-responsibility. I was taught obedience. I was taught to follow directions. <br />
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Self-supportive EQAFE products dealing with self-sabotage:<br />
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<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/deliberately-sabotaging-my-own-change-part-152">Deliberately Sabotaging my Own Change - Part 152</a>
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<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/self-sabotage-nature-design-atlanteans-part-285">Self Sabotage: Nature & Design - Atlanteans - Par…</a> </h6>
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<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/fear-of-change-understanding-support-fears-phobias">Fear of Change: Understanding & Support - Fears &…</a></h6>
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<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/giving-up-self-sabotaged-beginnings-atlanteans-part-434">Giving Up: Self Sabotaged Beginnings - Atlanteans…</a></h6>
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<a href="http://desteni.org/">Desteni.org</a><br />
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Tyler Skinner-Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01399026698839599964noreply@blogger.com0