Saturday, July 1, 2017

Day 29- Resisting Limitation




Those of us who have applied ourselves to become better versions of ourselves may be familiar with the cognitive dissonance between the "unlimited" potential of ourselves and the limited nature of world and the people within it. Having to reconcile these differences can be frustrating.

I suggest to investigate Desteni 'I' Process Lite - A FREE online course w/Buddy where you will learn essential life skills.

Also check out EQAFE for cool self-supportive merchandise

Cheers!

Friday, June 23, 2017

Day 28- If You've Found Desteni, it's Too Late for You

Considering the subset of those that discover Desteni having come from a spiritual background, so-to-speak, where they've already bought into a doctrine of transcendence in which they've come to believe they have learned to go beyond even the law of karma and Do Unto Others, there is a tendency to believe that it is because of one's advanced evolution that they have now been blessed with the knowledge and information which Desteni imparts.

Stumbling upon the apparent hidden, true History of the Universe, the idea of an Equal Money System, and a group of people supposedly dedicated to creating heaven on Earth, one may experience these discoveries as part of a natural progression upon a spiritual path that indicates one has made excellent life-choices and is heading in the right direction.

The reality can't be farther from the truth.

In reality, if you have discovered Desteni, you have already reached a point of Too Lateness. Despite the common sense in the Law of Karma as the reality that each one will face what they have done to others, and the implications this brings in terms of the manner in which we must live our lives in this shared Reality, you have made a habit of ignoring what is here. You have allowed this habit to become who you are to such an extent you face a point of Annihilation if you don't become an agent of change in service of Life's Best Self. That is the True Reason why you've found Desteni.

Your abuse has led to the point where you've now manifested support in the form of an external group sharing the only tools which will Save your Ass: self-writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and Common Sense.

I'd suggest visting the Forum where you will find similar beings walking and sharing their processes.

7 Year Journey to Life
EQAFE.com
DIP Lite

Friday, May 26, 2017

Day 27- Triggered by the Environment

Heaven and Earth are impartial;
They see the ten thousand things as straw dogs.
The wise are impartial;
They see the people as straw dogs. ~Lao Tzu

A person in my environment coughs regularly and I have reacted to this within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to J's coughing within annoyance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be annoyed by coughing, when it could simply be a reaction to J’s environment or for any other reason: I’m sure if they were aware of and in control of their bodies they wouldn’t choose to cough consistently, especially if they knew it was disturbing someone in their environment.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize being annoyed by coughing indicates I am afraid of confrontation and also compare myself to others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear confrontation.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize that I fear confrontation because I fear not surviving within the context of ego-as-self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not surviving as ego.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ego, where the only thing that I base my opinions and actions on is myself.

When and as I see myself react to J coughing in annoyance, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I cannot control my environment but rather can view the 10,000 things as straw dogs and choose within a moment whether to direct myself as life or fall subject to the fickle machinations of my preprogrammed existence.

I commit myself to demonstrate courage through self-direction.

When and as I see myself judge J for coughing, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this person may have their own reasons for coughing.

I commit myself to exercise compassion through leadership.

When and as I see myself fearing confrontation, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that confrontation is a gift within this world where leaders are able to utilize the preprogrammed nature and structure of the human mind-being-substance relationship to create change through directing the situation in ways that is best for all. Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide through the avoidance of confrontation where I know within myself that the problematic preprogrammed structure of the world will always allow me to not face myself. When and as I see myself give up on directing a point to completion, I stop and I breathe. I see and realize that there is limited time to make a difference in this world. 

I commit myself to utilize the limited nature of preprogrammed existence as the gifted opportunity to be a leader in the world.

When and as I see myself existing as ego, where the only thing I allow myself to be concerned with is my own opinion, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this opinion is of the mind and so not real unless it is cross-referenced in reality where the mathematical evidence takes precedence. And thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the nature of this world is based largely not in facts but in the mind of beings abdicating responsibility for life and thus will continue to be subject to change either by myself or by others moving without me.

I commit myself to not wait until it’s too late to move myself but prepare myself to be a leader.


Check the following links for self-support and world-support:
Desteni.org
DIP Lite
Living Income Guaranteed

Monday, May 22, 2017

Day 26- When you’re single-handedly stopping the forward progress of the physical process in your mind

Have you ever believed within your mind, within yourself, that you were somehow responsible for holding the world back? Yes, getting to learn about the mind and yourself can be overwhelming; it brings up all sorts of negative stuff inside of you that you may feel ashamed or guilty about. That’s normal.

However, at least for myself, I noticed a tendency to then go into this experience that I had so much power within my mind that I was able to, simply through thinking, project out into the universe something which was capable of stopping all forward progress towards/as what’s best for all. That somehow my fallibility is so monumental it could hurt the whole world. But let’s look at that idea: is it even true?

Within the moment it may seem like that idea is actually playing out in reality. Your mind may create 3-dimensional imagery that suggests you are doing that to world. The important thing is to stop, remember to use breathing, forgive yourself for the thought, and then continue on. You will soon realize that the idea occupying you and your mind was just that: an ephemeral thought that wasn’t actually interfering with the fate of the entire world.

That’s why it’s important to practice self-forgiveness. The more you are familiar with self-forgiveness, even in writing, the easier it will be to stop oneself in such moments. That’s why I suggest check out lite.desteniiprocess.com where you will get an online buddy who’s gone through the process themselves to walk with you as you learn about the different thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memories that can occupy our minds and how to apply structured writing of self-forgiveness to recognize and thus take responsibility for these things. Sign-up for DIP Lite today or visit The forum if you have any questions!




Links for investigation:
EQAFE
Desteni
Desteni 'I' Process
DIP Lite (FREE)
Desteni forum
Living Income Guaranteed
Marlen Vargas Del Razo 

Monday, May 15, 2017

Day 25- Confidence: Is it Real?

It’s interesting, because self-confidence has for a long time been one of those traits that I attributed to myself. But as the quantum physical process wears on and I am tested on my decisiveness, I realize that the confidence I defined myself with/as was actually an aspect of a personality system. As such, whatever degree of confidence I have possessed hasn’t actually translated into tangible action to create heaven on earth.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am confident.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that believing I was confident implied that I am not confident.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be confident because of fearing what others may do to me if I express myself confidently and because of fearing what I may have to go through if I stand by my confidence while acting to create a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what others may do/think/say towards/about me if I act confidently and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach the emotional experience of defeat to the memory of confidently stating what I wanted to do with my life in my childhood and being laughed at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the emotional energy of anger to the memory of being laughed at for confidently stating what I wanted to do with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of blame towards those who explained to me that it was unrealistic for me to have that dream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remember that it was explained to me that it was my lack of discipline and dedication that made it unrealistic to achieve that goal and to use that explanation to become more disciplined and dedicated.

When and as I see myself believe I am confident, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this confidence is an energy: it is not real.

I commit myself to explore and live the word confidence for real.



Links for investigation:
EQAFE
Desteni
Desteni 'I' Process
DIP Lite (FREE)
Desteni forum
Living Income Guaranteed

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Day 24- Redefining SEX Within What's Best for ALL (Part 3) - Self-Forgiveness

In the previous post I was walking a process of exploring where I stand in relation to the word SEX using the tools explained here: https://juneroca.com/words/redefining-words/

Within this post I shall be applying self-forgiveness on what I came up with in the 'Creative Writing' section of the previous post, pasted here for reference.

Creative stage

s- quiet
ex- past lover
Sex - An experience where I quiet past lovers.
An experience where I try to suppress memories of past sex acts.
The negative emotions of past sexual acts.
Creating negative consequences for myself through a natural expression of my body
Feeling like I have to use sex to create a certain experience for myself in which I must avoid negative experiences.
My sexual definition.
An experience where pleasing she in her environment is a burden
An experience that cannot be had unless I have money because a woman doesn’t want to have sex with someone without money
Something women want to engage in from an energetic form while I want to engage in it from a physical expression standpoint and thus a point of conflict in my world. 


 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat sex as an experience where I try to quiet memories of past sexual experiences. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have created a negative energetic charge around memories related to past experiences of sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the behavioral pattern of suppression of sex as a way of trying to avoid those negative emotional charges related to sex I've had in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear creating negative consequences for myself through sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that fearing negative consequences for myself through sex implies I have defined sex negatively.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex negatively as it relates to those negative emotional charges related to memories I have stored as negative experiences within my mind.
I forgive myself for then allowing and accepting myself to seek to use 'sex' to avoid negative experiences by placing it within a paradigm of perfection where the only way I allow myself to have sex is if the circumstances are absolutely perfect, and in doing so avoiding sex entirely as these circumstances never materialize.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe sex can exist within perfect circumstances.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe sex is a burden that requires pleasing another without achieving satisfaction for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having sex without having money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having sex with a woman who has not applied self-forgiveness for approaching sex from an energetic self-indulgence point of view.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Day 23- Redefining SEX Within What's Best for ALL (Part 2)

 The format I've used to redefine this word can be found here: https://juneroca.com/words/redefining-words/

Gathering information stage

Self-allocation: 

My current experience towards sex is that of suppression and avoidance. So, from a polarity perspective, sex has a negative charge. It is something I avoid. The last sexual experience I had was something I’ve defined as negative. So was the one before that.

Dictionary definition:

1. sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse
2. a person’s genitals 3. Either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and many other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions 4. the fact of belonging to one of the sexes 5. the group of all members of either sex 6. determine the sex of 7.present something in a more interesting or lively way 8. arouse or attempt to arouse someone sexually

Sounding of the word:

 s (quiet) ex (past lover)
sects (groups of people) s (she) ecs (environment) shecks (money) sh (quiet) ects (and so on) sex (racy)

Investigation stage

I have associated a negative polarity with the word Sex as I have come to see sex as a burden or obligation in my world. I have thus deliberately suppressed and avoided sex due to wanting to avoid the negative consequences possible by having sex. One thing where I can see my definition is different- and actually departs in a negatively consequential way- from the dictionary definition is where sex is used to define the two sexes based on their reproductive functions. Thus implies that sex is natural for either of the two sexes as it is simply utilizing our reproductive organs in a pleasurable way. So, in defining sex according to a negative charge and therefore suppressing it, I have been denying myself the natural expression of sex that is inherent in being a human male.

One more aspect of suppression here has to do with fears related to pregnancy, fatherhood, etc. In engaging in sexual activity with another, that carries a risk of pregnancy or contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Thus, I feel the need to suppress, for example, spontaneous unprotected sex due to these thoughts and negative emotions associated with for example pregnancy and disease.

Another aspect of suppression I have participated within in relates to presenting something in a more interesting or lively way where I’ve come to recognize the social tendency to use sex to sell consumer goods. Thus, I have suppressed participating in sex as something that can be enticing/racy/arousing because i have gotten too far into the mentality of rejecting anything I see as remotely morally questionable, such as sex in advertising. Within this, however, I’ve failed to realize that all of these expressions, be it raciness or arousal or enticement, are also mine to express in that they are not owned by the corporations that have temporarily utilized them to make money. In doing so, I have denied myself certain expressions just because there can be a connection made between them if they are expressed by me and the way advertisements are structured.

The consequences I have wrought through suppressing sex have been that I have denied my body the expression of sex. While I may have been successful in avoiding negative things like negative emotions, diseases, and pregnancy, I have also not been able to work through where I am in relation to these things. 

Within the sound I see s (quiet) ex (past lover). This is quite interesting considering my tendency to suppress sex as I see this as wanting to quiet the negative emotions I have attached to sex through memories with past lovers.

So i can see that sex is just a natural function of our physical bodies but I have tried to suppress it to avoid negative emotions I’ve attached to it either through personal experience or in rejecting the presentations of companies trying to make money by sexing things up. I've also suppressed sex within the guise of avoiding fatherhood and disease, although this usually comes up as backchat after I've already suppressed sex.

Creative stage

s- quiet
ex- past lover
Sex - An experience where I quiet past lovers.
An experience where I try to suppress memories of past sex acts.
The negative emotions of past sexual acts.
Creating negative consequences for myself through a natural expression of my body
Feeling like I have to use sex to create a certain experience for myself in which I must avoid negative experiences.
My sexual definition.
An experience where pleasing she in her environment is a burden
An experience that cannot be had unless I have money because a woman doesn’t want to have sex with someone without money
Something women want to engage in from an energetic form while I want to engage in it from a physical expression standpoint and thus a point of conflict in my world.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Day 22- Redefining SEX Within What's Best for ALL

For further context for this post, see the discussion on the forum: http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=36&t=8052.

Yes, I can see that the self-decision to move into/as sex is 'clouded' within other uncertainties within my life related to money. Also, not sure if there are real consequences from not having had sex for a long time that are contributing to this sense of urgency to have sex or if I've just built it up in my mind that way. I did hear in a video a while back that that the body requires sex and I can see that it could be an opportunity to ground myself here. But I feel like, compared with others who have had sex regularly/semi-regularly during this long drought for me, I am not stable and ready to move into sex with ease.

I forgive myself for comparing myself with S for whom moving into sex is apparently easy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define moving into sex easily as more than having resistance to sex.

When and as I see myself comparing myself with S for whom moving into sex is apparently easy, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that we are in different places in our life such that I am dealing with the consequences of long periods of sexual abstinence and social isolation that have resulted in a built up resistance to sex. These issues are my own and I am capable of dealing with them myself. I commit myself to explore redefining sex on my own terms so that when I decide to have sex it is within the principle of what is best for all.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Day 21- Suppression Proves Personal Power

I have been experiencing suppression lately. Then I had a look at the definition of suppression and came across this interesting tidbit: the restraint or repression of an idea, activity, or reaction by something more powerful.

While I was aware of the definition of suppression as restraint/repression, that such restraint is carried out by “something more powerful” is what struck me as interesting.

While I have defined suppression as negative within myself, it actually reveals this powerful part of myself, so powerful that it is able to restrain ideas and activities as they arise within me, even when those ideas or activities resonate with me. 


Another way to think about it is: if the thing you were suppressing were negative (say you had a sudden urge to say something hurtful to another), then exercising restraint over that urge would be considered disciplined or tactful = a positive. What then does suppressing positive aspects of myself teach me? That I am a powerful being not on a spiritual journey where some God or Spirit bestows upon me a series of ecstatic experiences. If that were so, why would there exist a capacity/part of me that was capable of overriding these ecstatic experiences?



What this actually reveals to me is that I am far more and far more powerful than the limiting self-definition of weak or a failure would tell me. I am so powerful I can in fact stop my own miraculous self-expansion in a single moment of self-doubt and hesitation.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Day 20- Hesitation: The Golden Moment?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate to speak up in gratefulness within the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to overthink in that moment, analyzing points of the moment within my mind for clues as to whether it would be appropriate to speak up in that moment, or if it would benefit me, or person x, to speak up in that moment, or if it would be best for all where what I am really missing within all of this is self-trust within the moment where I cannot rely on being able to write about the point but must actually apply myself to bring forth: something new. By hesitating on the point, “bailing on it”, so-to-speak, all I am doing is allowing myself to be swept up in the mind in that moment, allowing myself as limitation as the mind to extract resources from my human physical body just to satisfy the act of thinking and suppressing myself to, ironically, protect myself in that moment. If I am in fact degrading the body through thinking and not actually protecting the physical body, then what am I protecting: well, perhaps an image of myself in my mind but the BIGGER picture here, so to speak, is that I am, through the mind, acting to protect the mind itself. 

Here is another familiar consequence of hesitating within the moment: shame.  Self-judgement. All the negative things associated with not acting/speaking within a moment that conveniently are missing in my thinking process when I am sitting there, frozen, unable to speak despite the potentially useful nature of my words, moving within my mind towards positive energies like safety, isolation, abundance. In the end, it’s not clear that I’ve gained these things due to my self-limiting (non)action, but rather that I have instead mined the body for resources and still must face the negative emotional aspect of the mind construct. 



Visit Desteni.org

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Day 19- Habits Prove the Unconscious Mind

If we observe within our lives certain specific tendencies, habits, or patterns which take up our time in repeating loops, rather than participating within infinite cycles of guilt and shame around such behaviors, maybe there is something we can learn from them. The first step is to of course stop the thoughts, feelings and emotions related to the pattern we want to change. If you have been following me for a remarkable amount of time you will know already that the tool for stopping thoughts, feelings, and emotions is self-forgiveness.

However, it's important to realize that, in addition to these conscious and perhaps subconscious thoughts, emotions, and feelings related to a pattern we would like to change, there is an unconscious aspect to the pattern as well. A perfect demonstration of the way the unconscious mind functions within our lives is with habits within which we participate.

1. First, we have the conscious mind aspects such as the thoughts, emotions, and feelings that, with time and self-writing we can become more aware of. These include the thoughts, emotions, and feelings we experience within our day-to-day lives as we experience ourselves in the self and the mind.

2. Second, we have the subconscious aspects which are like the personality systems that are triggered by certain people or situations throughout our day. These are much larger systems than, say, a simple thought and can comprise a whole network of thoughts, feelings, and emotions within which a Self can fall and get lost.

3. Finally, we have the unconscious mind which largely functions below the conscious level but dictates our behavior down to the places we go and people we "choose" to spend time with. If you follow any sort of pattern whether it be a tendency to put your clothes away in a certain way or use a certain drug or see a certain person, and your actual doing so has sort of melted/faded into the background of your daily life such that you are only aware of the thoughts, emotions, and feelings related to the things you are doing within the pattern but not that you are participating in a behavioral pattern at all, that is proof of the unconscious mind.

Patterns prove the unconscious aspect of our Mind Consciousness System. That is how we can act in repeating ways while only being aware of the conscious aspects of the point. Through self-writing, we can uncover the details of the pattern and forgive ourselves to release ourselves from anything that is holding us back from being able to stop participating in the pattern. Visit Desteni 'Lite' for more information of self-writing and a free course to learn how you can use writing and self-forgiveness to explore and stop self-limiting aspects of our minds.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Day 18- Good vs. Evil


I saw a Facebook post from a Destonian today in which they were talking about the EQAFE product explaining The Design of Polarity. Throughout this whole process of investigating myself and the Mind, one of the most important understandings I've had is the nature and role of polarity in the way in which this world-system is built. Polarity exists within the bonds of the chemicals which make up our physical universe, within the roller-coaster of emotions and feelings we experience within our Minds on a daily basis, and in the way our socioeconomy is structured, with the Haves and the Have-nots fighting over resources.

Within my personal life, I was able to use the tools of Desteni to identify a major Character I've played in my life. Namely, I am talking about the Lightworker character. I could go into great depth about the history of this character and how I've created and lived it to create negative consequences in my life, but the main definition of this Character is the self-image of being a warrior/hero in the fight against evil in the world. Thus, in playing this Character throughout my life, I've participated within Polarity to the extent that I've held a self-image as someone "Good" who was pitted against a "Bad" world.

Before applying self-forgiveness on this character, I was not aware that I was participating in a delusion believing myself and my position in the world to be superior. I did not realize the extent (total) of deception existent within this world such that every single human living here has suffered total self-deception. This means that those who have participated in the Lightworker Character have acted under the exact same self-deception as everyone else we've perceived as either apathetic or directly against us in this cosmic battle for good vs. evil. What does that say about our participation in this World? Has anything really changed as a result of us who have believed ourselves to be good?







Sunday, February 19, 2017

Day 17 - The resilience of progress

Last night while out on the town I received a compliment regarding my self-control. It was at this time that I was experiencing a particular flavor of self-judgement towards exactly that aspect of myself and so hearing this praise brought up an interesting opportunity for self-reflection. Because it was in that moment I realized that, despite the circumstances causing me to judge myself as betraying my self-discipline and so self, the work I had done in creating and developing self-discipline in my life had, in fact, created sufficient results that someone found cause to point out to me that they admired me for it.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Day 16- Suppressing Communication

Something that I have been dealing with lately has been the need to gain employment. Here, I’ve built up a large resistance to a lot of potential jobs and I can see that this resistance is related to memories I have in relation to jobs past. Whereas my approach to work in the past (influenced by 'advice' from an authority figure) has been to simply put out my resume to as many places as possible and then take whatever opportunities present themselves, this has not worked out very well for me in terms of having many negative experiences whilst employed and not a lot of positive or expanding experiences to speak of. Fastforward to the present and I've now created a 'block' or resistance within my mind to just taking whatever job I can because of those negative emotions I've created through my participation in past jobs where I did just that.

Unfortunately I live in a world where I am unlikely to gain access to unconditional life support in the form of money/food/a place to stay, etc. that I require as a human being on this earth provided from an external source without the expectation that I perform some sort of labor in return. Even when I returned to living with my parents after a period of homelessness, while they didn't charge me money for rent or the food they provided, they still expected me to do things like the dishes after meals they cooked and household chores. While I was staying with them, I experienced these expectations as a burden because I was attempting to gain stability and believed that I was in a place where any such external expectations where an intrusion upon my internal process and disallowed me the ability to maximize my potential in this world. Additionally, I experienced resistance to bringing this up to my parents.

Perhaps a part of me feared being cast out (despite their expressed intention to keep a place for me in their home forever) if I brought up my personal needs and a part of me actually did want to contribute if only I could have gained some sort of stability that allowed me to feel ok in doing so. Unfortunately, I didn't speak up at the time on my own behalf and continued to do what was asked/expected of me even though I experienced a lot of friction whilst carrying out these tasks, including the idea that I was doing them wrong and possibly endangering myself and my parents. Interesting that suppression can be carried out so far by a person that they are even willing to allow themselves to feel or believe that they are compromising themselves or others and continue on just to avoid the possible confrontation that would go with expressing the thing suppressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress communication of my needs to my parents when they expected me to do the dishes every night they cooked dinner for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that suppressing communication of my needs implied that I was not prioritizing my own self-stability regardless of the situation.

I forgive myself for not prioritizing my own self-stability.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Day 15- SF on the experience of sabotage in relation to using substances.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience self-sabotage through substances.

Within this experience, I see two things that correspond to two separate behaviors in connection to substance use. The two behaviors are either to use the substance or to not.

In the former scenario, I use the substance and then experience the belief that I cannot “begin” my process due to the suboptimal conditions characterized by the influence the substance apparently has on me.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot do something due to imbibing a substance.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself not realize that since I’ve already taken in the substance, there is little I can do about any influence it may have on my body and so I forgive myself for not allowing myself to question the nature of the belief that I cannot begin my process due to being on a substance as the experience of this belief is tied to the behavior of taking substances. Within this, I see, realize, and understand that I create this cycle for myself where I first engage in the behavioral dimension of taking a substance and then experience regret, fear, etc. in relation to being under the influence of the substance.

The second behavior relating to this experience is where I follow the creeping thought in my head that taking the substance will be self-sabotage and do not take the substance. In such scenarios, I then experience myself as trapped by the apparent prerequisite that I be free from this substance’s influence on me. But this is a whole other point that I can explore later.